Why don’t we pull the trigger? Why don’t we tighten the noose? Why don’t we swallow the pills? Why don’t we jump from the roof? What stops us? I mean, let’s all be real with ourselves. Everyone is here on this site because they are or at least have been suicidal. Everyone here contemplates pulling that trigger, tightening that noose, swallowing those pills, or jumping off that roof. So, really, what stops us? I think it’s a fear that we will be making the wrong decision. It’s like there’s a chance of it getting better. We hear that cliché line so much that it’s stored in the back of our head and subconsciously we have a sense of hope that it will get better. Will it? I have no way of knowing, and neither do you? So why do we stay? Why don’t we go?
B
9 comments
I stay because I really don’t WANT to die. I just want the overwhelming pain to subside.
Also, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have *some* fear of dying. I’m taking my sweet time trying to find the most peaceful method that’s easily available and has the highest odds of success. Hard to say exactly which method best meets that criteria. I have a gun but I’m terrified to use it, because of the kickback. There’s not much worse than blowing your face clean off your head but still making a full recovery otherwise. And of course, every method seems to have some potential for failure, so, I’m going ’round and ’round on that.
In the meantime, SP can be a nice distraction.
“I stay because I really don’t WANT to die. I just want the overwhelming pain to subside.”
That made me stop and think about my own deathwish. And I think you’re right: I don’t want to die. It’s just that death is the only thing that promises to take away all my pain once and for all. If there was some magic machine that would do the same thing, I would choose the machine. Unfortunately I’m rapidly losing hope in magic machines.
As for why I’m still here, I tell myself it’s because I need to tie up loose ends. That’s true but it’s not the whole truth. My main reason is that I still have a splinter of hope that I can somehow make this world a substantially better place. And if that’s true I don’t mind all the pain because it would be worth it.
I suppose you’re right with me that I hope it will get better, but if I had a pill that was guaranteed then that would be different, so fear of failure as well. To have hope, it’s all there is, if you commit suicide, then you draw a line under your life with no prospect of a better future.
I stay because I don’t want to go to hell, and I don’t want to afflict a devastating pain to my parents. If I knew with 100% that suiciders didn’t go to hell and if my parents were dead (of old age) I would have killed myself right now.
for one who has been their several times (so close, damn, i have been right their), i have learned several reasons. most are listed in the other posts. the main one is their is something built into us to resist dying. our bodies will fight anything, including ourselves, to stay alive. the biggest hinderance to my death is me. go figure
I agree with Tc.. it’s very hard to go through with a premeditated suicide..our mind thinks it up but the body doesn’t put it in to action. Hell and the pain to family stops me.. friends would get over it.. but not the immediate family.. there is always a lil bit of pleasure to get each day.. you have a computer and Internet haha
I come to somewhat of a conclusion on why were all suicidal and can’t redeem ourselves.. our daily job and lonliness. We have to work.. If you had a great passionate career and a loving partner your mind would always be working.. progressing.. when problems occur you can handle it quickly without letting it get out of control because you got momentum.. but if you don’t have a good job that makes you feel good everyday.. and a partner to talk with you become idle hands.. a robot.. unable to feel happy about what your doing with your life. Thus suicide to end it all cause we feel we will never get that. Need ambition and momentum.. mine is dead..
Bah, everyone’s different.. that’s what I needed to of never fell into this nightmare existence…
Because im just too pathetic and too weak and too afraid to do it. Because i cant stop thinking about all the things i could have been if i were bigger than this. Because that may be the toughest and most coward decision i will ever make in my life. Because i dont know if anyone other than my parents would care. Because im awaiting for someone who may never show up to save me from this living hell.
I did pull the ‘pill trigger’. Currently writing this from my hospital bed. My mistake was not hiding the empty bottle. I’m angry I didn’t take those pills 2 hrs sooner. I can’t believe I thought the bottle would go unnoticed. Lesson learned. My thoughts haven’t changed only my current timeline.
Like lost said. I don’t want to die, just want the pain to stop.