Trying to change

I don’t know what to do I try and explain how I’m feeling to friends and they just say your fine. But I don’t feel fine. Most people see me and a nice funny smart person and wouldent think I’m depressed but I can’t eat I throw up the meal a day I way I can’t sleep . I don’t get it I need help but no one seems to care I honestly lost the  thing that kept me going but what do I have now a family that honestly doesn’t care for me I don’t know what to do anymore I haven’t eaten for awhile. Now I’m hurting on the inside but I look good. Maybe because she left my life . She wants me to change and become a better person because honestly I know I fucked up and I understand that I was controlling and over protective over protective but I’m going to change I’ve been trying to change for you I honesty miss you in my life I know that people think I’m depressed because of you but you know that I’ve been like this before I met you . But I swear I’m going to change because I need you and I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes . I really miss you