How do you have everything going for you and yet still find yourself just going to screw itup for reasons that aren’t entirely valid right now?
I made up with my best friend, I have my first ever guy friend, and things seem okay.but my fear of the future is causing me to want to end my life.my younger sister has my same fear ironically enough shes afraid of turning eighteen this year cause my parents will divorce forcing us to have to choose who we want to go with mom or dad.i don’t want to choose id rather choose suicide shed rather leave to texas with her boyfriend before they leave her.but for me its deeper than that people are growing up so fast forcing these changes upon me that I don’t want to happen.i enjoy my family and I can’t stand not seeing them.my older sister in particular.i miss her. I can’t cope with it.i mean I don’t have many friends already. And though I have a guy friend now he sees me only as a friend and doesn’t love me.no guy will ever love me.And so I want to try dying cause I don’t know what else to try and quite frankly im tired.
At the same time im conflicted cause my younger sister might do something crazy if I do die this time.so not entirely sure what I can do for her before I go.
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3 comments
I’m sorry that everything is changing. 🙁 Life can be overwhelming. Please think of yourself and don’t hurt you.
Be kind to you. I know how hard that is. Last night I was so very depressed and hopeless. I wanted to be gone!
I fight that feeling, please fight that feeling too!! To die feeling this would be awful. It is not easy. The more you do, the more you know, the better equipped you are to fight it.
Hold on to the love you have for your sisters. I am sending best wishes to you!
Take great care of YOU.
Ive fought it so many times I get tired of fighting and doctors dont help cause they think its just for attention so no point seeking help. I get so scared.i don’t want to live in this fear
I’m sorry it is so hard. It is not about seeking attention. I’m sorry your doctors don’t see that.
When I was growing up I didn’t have the self awareness that you express. I pushed all of my feelings down deep, didn’t even know what I was feeling. Sure, I was angry sometimes but I had no idea what was hidden and the pain and hurts that would come out later.
When I moved from home, I took a traveling job. I’d end up the last night before I moved on, crying without knowing why. Flash forward to five years later and the fears invade my whole weekend, to other days/ nights as well.
Never knowing what was going on with me was mindboggling and I hurt so long. Even as I write this, I feel worn out and tired of hurting and being alone (continued to move farther away from family).
I cannot say I know exactly how you feel because only you can do that. But I know you deserve better. YOU are important. The things that happened created the hurts and pains that hold you down.
Be aware of this fact. I’ll say it again… the things that happened created the hurts and pains that hold you down.
There is pain and suffering you’ve experienced. Then, there is the person behind that pain. You are not the pain and hurt. (I learned this not so long ago.) You are a beautiful soul and the world needs your input.