Fuck this

I am sorry you have this chaos in your life. It sounds like your dad may have problems with substance abuse – hence the raging and violent temper. Although it might be because he has his own pain or trauma to deal with there is no excuse for behaving like that and directing such rage at his family.

If there is is somewhere else you can go for a while that might be the best thing to do, at least until things cool off. I you meant high school when mentioned graduating and you aren’t an adult yet then for your sake and the safety of others in the home you should consider calling the authorities. I know that if the situation is bad enough and they intervene, as a minor you could be placed in some sort of temporary living arrangement but if you are close to turning 18 it wouldn’t likely be for long. At least your immediate needs for safety, food and housing would be taken care of. That may not sound like an attractive scenario bit it very well could be better than the alternative of fending for yourself in a potentially violent environment.

Above all, take care of yourself first. I don’t get the sense from reading your post that you feel you need to protect your dad or make any unwise compromises for his sake. It’s easy though to feel guilty about being concerned first for yourself and subconsciously feeling responsible for whatever is making your dad upset but the fact is he is responsible for reacting to his feelings, whatever they are or why. Not you.

Please get some help from people you can trust, and get yourself into a safe and sound situation first – then worry about everything else afterward. And it’s good to keep writing and reaching out so the feelings you are faced with don’t get bottled up. You need to release and process your feelings so you can make good decisions. Please do your best to take care of yourself and reach out for support.

– peace