I cut class for the first time today. I can’t take it anymore I can’t go on living like this college jut started and the only thing I’ve done this two days is cry. I’ve always been scared of cutting class because I don’t want to be a burden on my parents which I already am but I’m so depressed and suicidal that Im staring not to scare if I fail college. What’s gonna happen? I want to die anyway. Some days I feel OK like this pass days but now that I have to go out and be out all day and deal with people looking at me its gives me so much anxiety
I just want someone to talk to I have no one to talk about this please I just want someone to tell me what I should do.
1 comment
I don’t know if I have any good advice, but it sounds like to me that you’re really in a place you don’t want to be in. Do you want to be in college? If so, are you in a program that you want to be in? In the end, I think it would be difficult to be happy if you are forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. What would make you happy? What would you do with your life if you could do anything – have any career you wanted?
Also, I think cutting class one day does not mean you will fail. Everyone misses a class sooner or later.
For me, my parents tried to force me into college and I did not want to be there. So, I went to class every day, but I drank vodka out of a water bottle all day. I chose vodka so that no one would smell the alcohol on me. I hated myself for doing something I did not want to do. I eventually quit school and started working (and quit drinking). Nearly 15 years later, I chose to go to a technical school because that’s what I wanted. In the end, I had to choose what made me happy and go for it regardless of what anyone else thought. I also had to do it on my own time.
I probably have not helped any, but I guess the best advice I have is to trust yourself. Maybe if you can’t fully trust yourself with the whole college decision yet, that’s OK. You’ll know what to do when the time comes. And it’s ok to feel anxiety – IMO it means you’re trying to work out a conflict within yourself, and that will take time. You are worth however much time it takes.
El