Life has been on the skids for some time, but I always gave what mother called”good face”. I had a name, a good reputation, a person people asked advice or leaned on for support. Recently my significant other and i were arguing, (been living together for 10 years). She decided to try some Tough Love and kick me out. She hoped this would shock me into listening to her, and doing what she wanted, and then I would be told I could stay. She called my elderly father, who drove over and proceeded to convince him I was mentally ill and had emotional problems. Meanwhile I had already been told to pack and get out, so I looked and felt like a car wreck. My father left with a lot of lies in his head. My father, in a misguided effort to help, basically told everyone of any importance in my life I was mentally sick and needed help.
The next day when I found this out, the enormity of such a violation of my privacy was complete, and its not luke i can call these people and expect them to belueve me when i say im not crazy. its so bizarre. My SO tried to contain further fall out by talking him out of more blabbing, but I really doubt he will.
The betrayal is immense. The only thing I had left was what I perceive as my good character in our small community, but now I’m just a broken incapable person. Between my SO and father, both drive a stake thru me, like my life us a big joke for everyone to hear.
My SO apologized then wanted to take me out to “cheer me up”, clearly not getting the enormity of what she had done.
I just want to die. The few things I had left are not only gone, but now everyone thinks I’m sick, incapable, broken. I am sure people will poo poo this, but to me, this was all I had, and now that’s gone too, by people who betrayed me. People who claim to love me but violated my right to live free of stigma and false accusations.
I can’t live with this. I just can’t. I want to run away, but have no resources, so after I neaten things up, I have no choice but to put an end to my miserable existence. I wish I had the strength to do it
5 comments
I feel for you, it’s not easy to have your “good person” label taken away by lies and manipulation, specially from your loved ones. Keep in mind tho, it doesn’t make you less of a good person, since that’s only how others see you, not how you really are (and i’m pretty sure you know that). If it’s really that important to keep looking like a good person for others you could always look for help and you’ll be seen as a strong person that was able to overcome his odds. Either way, people do have short memory spans so things might even get forgotten in no time.
I don’t really know what your SO wanted from you to get to that extent of manipulating facts, but i’d make her see the damage that she has done and re-consider trusting in her any further… betrayal from your loved ones will always hurt, but it also helps you realize if you can really trust in them or not. From what you say your father sounds like he’s just being manipulated tho, so i wouldn’t be so hard on him.
In any case hopefully you’ll be able to sort things out… i experienced a similar case with an old SO of mine (she lied to make me look bad to cover up her lies and cheating, my family believed her) and yup, you described it perfectly, feels like a stake through the heart.
Screw that useless woman, she can so suck a fuck off a cliff.
That part of your life is now dead, don’t try to revive it. As for your ‘image’ damage, I don’t know what to make of it, if the people around you start alienating you, then they were trash any way. People who judge character off of hearsay are worthless, don’t fret man!
You’re father has screwed you. If talking to him hasn’t stopped him from campaigning against you, then cut him off too.
You still have a job? If so, then you are not without means. You can start a new life, one without interference, people from the past only bring out old problems anyway.
Don’t kill your self over a stupid woman, I won’t have none of that, if you want to die, then make sure it is for your self and not on account of worthless people
Thanks for the comments. My “dependability” and strength was all I had, my SO has pretty much dropped a bomb on my life. That reputation, as pathetic as it was” helped me feel needed. Now, I’m a joke
In fact she’s sitting on the couch chatting and laughing with her friends just hours after saying how so sorry she was and how she never anticipated my father would do this. The vile creature just is thrilled with herself. Empowered while I fade away. Short if standing up for myself, which now everyone will see as crazy, there is only one answer.this will never blow over because how I am seen by others is and will change. Things were horrible enough, but the veneer has been taken away and I have nothing but a hole in my face for meaningless words to come out of. I have no value. Timing is everything though. Only a matter of time now.
I know you’re suffering right now, and rage would be a perfectly normal response, but not a *wise* one, given the circumstances. If you can hold it together for awhile, get yourself settled in a new life, you can minimize the damage they did and it will likely blow over.
The key is to go on with your life and interact with others as if nothing has changed, beyond an ordinary breakup. Act as if they said nothing about you, or at least nothing unusual. The people in your community have an established history with you, and if your interactions with them stay more the less the same as always, there’s a good chance they’ll revert back to that established image.
Right now, for some of them, there’s a new perception superimposed onto the old one. Let the new one fade; try not to feed it by getting too angry or showing distress around them, if you can help it. And keep in mind that while some of them may be persuaded, others will be doubtful.
Finally — if you haven’t already, do some soul searching and ask yourself honestly if some of your (ex)girlfriend’s concerns are legit. Make sure you’re seeing things objectively. If you’re certain you are, go about your life as before. people can usually figure out what’s what in situations like this.
I really feel for you; it’s human nature to be upset about such things, and if I were in your shoes, I hope I’d be able to take my own advice. All the best.
You know, I feel I should add to this: if you’ve been someone others could ask for advice and lean on for support, then your value is not just a “veneer”. Recognize the truth of that, and others will too.