But I’m so messed up I can’t even let people help me. It’s times like these when I’m sat in my room alone crying and wanting to scream and just get out of this horrible mind of mine when I actually start thinking I need help. I need someone to tell me what’s happening, what’s wrong, and how to make this stop. But I can’t. Nearly a year ago I had a counsellor at school for 5 months. For 5 months I didn’t say anything. I felt trapped. When she would ask me questions I’d sit there like an idiot staring at the desk. I just couldn’t say what was on my mind and it was so hard because i just want to escape this mind. I want to show someone how much I’m suffering, but I just sit there blankly. People say I’m “fine” because they ever see the true side of me. And one day soon (I can feel it about to burst out), I’m going to completely lose it. I just want out of this mind, of this world.
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I understand completely how you feel. The feeling of being left alone with your thoughts, and how much they can destroy you. My family knows I have depression, but they treat it as if I have a cold, that just because it looks like I’m doing better, I’m fine, that why do I still need to see a therapist and take medication. But I’m not fine, and no one realizes. It’s so hard to tell others. Even my therapist and friends.
But I can tell you this, I was able to hide my depression for about 11 years until I finally lost it. I had to drop my whole semester in college literally a week before it ended. I felt so screwed, so lost. But I realized I needed to tell someone, otherwise these feelings would completely destroy me, so I talked to a friend, I went to a therapist. It was really hard, it took me 11 years to even get to this point, but it does help. Before those feelings destroy you, try to find some sort of outlet for them. I mean hey, if you need to scream, go somewhere and scream as loud as you can. It feels good.
I hope you feel better <3
Yeah everyone thinks im fine coz thats what I’m like on the outside and it frustrates me sooooo much. And i try to tell people how im feeling but it just doesnt come out right or not at all. I want to talk to someone to let it al out but i just physically cant and i dont know what to do anymore.
And that’s what I hate the most. Know one knows I’m suffering so much unless I say it. But then I realized I can’t just expect people to know how I feel, especially if I’ve perfected the wall that says I’m ok. That I need to put in effort there. But I’m so tired of it, it makes me so worn out. And it may be hard talking to someone in real life, but over here we’re strangers. I won’t judge you or anything, so if you need to talk I’m here to listen.
yeah its tough and i guess ill just sit here and suffer on my own im pretty much used to it now although i go a bit crazy at times ill survive right? And thanks im here if you ever need to talk as well. It is so much easier to talk anonymously to someone. I do sometime but then people just stop talking to me and it makes me feel annoying af.