Sitting in a dark room. Staring at the screen. Typical of a lonely person, a symptom of the lonely world. At times, you get up and stare out -of the window. You don’t see the outside. You see a reflection of your room; the loneliness of it: the darkness of it. You see a lonely person: yourself!, you feel detached from that person. Indeed, your lonely in your loneliness; you don’t even communicate with yourself.
Loneliness is your occupation. In a room full of people, you feel lonely. You cannot wait to get back home to feel more lonely again. You see, Loneliness is like a disease that treats itself- with itself. You hate being lonely, but often choose to be alone. It’s the perfect addiction to a disease. You find the darkest parts to characters in books and you read, understand and interpret the book, according to that darkness. I’m talking about the darkness of loneliness.
You forget how people are, how to behave and how to speak. People become creatures. You hate being acknowledged, judged, and spoken to. Even when an interaction makes a positive impact on your mood, you decide to distrust that emotion and return to your darkness. Last time you trusted it: it made you more alone. Everything becomes futile, and useless. Nothing has meaning, nothing has an end, or a beginning. Heck, I don’t even know how to end this blog-post.
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3 comments
You described my “existence” perfectly.
That couldn’t be explained more correctly…..
That about sums it up.
I don’t know if I hate being acknowledged or spoken to as much as I just don’t know what to do when someone does. I’ve annoyed waiters/waitresses because of it. The last time I went into a place to get my hair cut, I even had the person their berate me because I couldn’t adequately convey what I wanted done or whether it was what I wanted.
If I know the person, I can have a conversation. If I don’t know the person that well and am in an unfamiliar setting, I become quiet and nervous.