PAIN

I’m still trying to hang on to my life. I’m exhausted by bad ptsd symptoms. I want to move away from my abuser and feel trapped on disability. My brain is so tired and I hear voices at night. My internet and phone on the same day went out and it was hell. By the grace of God thank you Jesus the internet is bad on, and I still have to find another phone carrier b/c Verizon was not helpful in getting me an upgrade. Stupid story. I am terrified of the new neighbor coming in and I am missing my priest who left and the cat who ran away. I cant live near my parents anymore. I feel trapped in hell every day. I want to cry but rarely can and cling to this online guy who doesn’t fucking care about me just about himself. I feel like life is just hell anywhich way you look at it. It sucks. I feel so trapped and desperate and alone. I’m trying to get help and I never do seem to get what I need. I may need to do a hospital program. I’m trying to get my car fixed and it is taking forever and the mechanics just screw you over when you’re a woman, everything is money. I’m so tired of this nightmare. I think all the time about hanging myself in the woods desperate to turn off my abusive father’s voice and these voices at night I get poorer and poorer and my illness gets worse and worse and all the help and love is gone, cant contact my one friend due to her phone the other one wont speak to me everything has been a hellish tormenting struggle for my entire life and i wont say anymore. god doesnt do shit wont even give him the time of day anymore. if i clean me and my apt. it is a big day for me. my life destroyed by incest. i ponder horrible things i wonder why my friend has a nice family and gets to do nice things and live where he likes and i am trapped in hell karma past lives dont make sense to me personally. i guess god fucking hates me and wants me to suffer. cant take no more i feel like so fucking tired. thank you