I am feeling low. I called my crisis line THREE times before I got it out what was really bothering me. I finally admitted how I don’t want to be, that I was looking for the pills I knew would work. :((( but I could not find them. I stopped looking, good or bad…
The thing is, isn’t it crazy to be mad at the world and people around you but then, you take it out on yourself?? I mean, really, the reaction of wanting to hurt yourself because the world seems off kilter, that is crazy!
And yet, here I am, once again… 🙁 (Still, something to think about, help us resist and rethink…)
P.S… the more I think of this, the more I realize it’s true. Depression is turning on ourselves, harming us because there are situations that either are out of our control or seem so.
But think of it… when there is something wrong (right or wrong in our thinking) our reaction is to hurt ourselves- by our words or deeds, thoughts or reactions. The pain protects us from the deeper pain we are ignoring/ running away from.
But isn’t this the case of the cure is worst than the problem? If you truly think about it, it is so.
Maybe we have to protect ourselves, when we have pain and start to “punish” ourselves (words, thoughts, emotions, deeds, etc), see a “stop sign” in our mind and replace that with a sign that says “KIND to me”.
It may not do a lot for whatever is happening that hurts so much. But protecting ourselves should be our number one priority.
4 comments
the point where it gets even worse is when you get so outraged by your situation that you hurt yourself by lashing out at the people closest. sometimes its deserved but the helplessness is overwhelming.
Yeah, I agree. Been there, did that. Treated my good friend horribly. Makes me feel so guilty. Still, we need to be kind to ourselves, even after we’ve lashed out. Esp. then. Best wishes.
for sure. we’re all in pain and sometimes you get overwhelmed. its fuckin normal and the levels of pain we can take and still move forward is unreal. sometimes that pains gotta come out to play.
“The only things that matter to a wise and philosophic individual are the things completely under your control. You cant control the movement of the sun and the planets, you cant control whether a leaky ship sinks or makes it to port. You can’t control the weather, you cant control other people, you cant control the society around you. There is only one thing and one thing only that you are in control of: that is you. Your will, your intentions, your self. The wise man is the person entirely in control of his own soul. Who takes utter and complete responsibility of his actions and is indifferent to everything else.”
Michael Sugrue – Marcus Aurelius Meditations: The Stoic Ideal