Cant sleep. cant relax. Wanting to end all this. Wanting to get rid of the pressure in my head .Wanting to rid of the swirling feelings of not being wanted, not being needed. Wanting to close my eyes and not wake up. Knowing that it is not the way. At this moment it feels, “for what?” The girl that owns my heart, given my soul, and given my body is close in proximity but does not allow me to love her. She tells me things about me that I don’t agree with, like i want to control her; I just want to grow old with her. It feels like the beginning of the end. I express this to her in hopes that she will give me some comfort. She tells me,”It is the beginning of the end!” The end is where I don’t want to be. I try to be honest and truthful in the way I feel. My expressions of my desire and passion falls into a hole into a abyss of meaningless. I don’t understand!!! I thought love would set us free. It feels like my cage. It feels like my death. Feeling like I fell into that abyss of meaningless. I want this to end. My reality. I want the death to that person who feels. I have this feeling of wanting to love and no one to give it to.
They say, “your thoughts creates your reality.” I cant stop thinking of her and how my I don’t want to be alone without her. With every time of rejection however small, a darkening of the environment I feel. I cannot see in my past or in the future, only the memories that we had and what I want to have with her. All I want to do is love her (so just love her- my intuition tells me). So I do but she seems like she doesn’t want to be loved by me. Kill me. I feel like i am her burden in life. I want to live with her. I want to love her. I want to comfort her. I want my wife.
Thank you. If we are all one. please fix me.
4 comments
my broken heart goes out to you… we are one, the life you’ve described is my own –
we love with a love so deep and profound we lose ourselves in its abyss… can we be fixed?
i don’t think so my friend. i will share what a handful of therapists have attempted to shove down my throat, just please keep in mind, this is their perspective, not my own…
apparently, people like us, that are open and share what we feel are suffocating. We focus too much on our sig other, which places a burden on them, if i recall correctly, we make them feel responsible for our happiness and it becomes too much pressure, hence they leave. Supposedly, the correct way to love is to love ourselves first (I’m sure you’ve heard that before). They said that if we take care of our minds and our personal self, then we appear strong, put together, and
desirable. I was told that no one wants to be with someone needy or whiny, its a turn off. Bottom line, take care of yourself and they will come to you…
do with that what you will- i’m of the mind that it isn’t so much about how i love but who i choose to love. I tend to go for the unattainable, just more self destructive tendencies but ultimately if i were to choose someone that appreciated me, there would be nothing wrong with how i love… nothing to fix –
broken hearts never truly mend — the cracks remain although you can find the super glue you need in making a decision to cut them off
We are all one, but we are also under the illusion of separateness. So, we cannot fix you – all ‘we’ can do is try to help ‘you’ fix yourself.
It sounds like you are suffering limerence.
Read up on it, it may give you power.
We are all one, but we are also under the illusion of separateness. So, we cannot fix you – all ‘we’ can do is try to help ‘you’ fix yourself.
It sounds like you are suffering limerence.
Read up on it, it may give you power.