I am in the process of planning a way out of my miserable existence. I am not some teenager suffering angst or going to kill myself over a boyfriend or failed relationship.
Life continues to shit on me and recent events have just proven it yet again. It does not matter what I do or learn, how I try to improve myself, who I know or meet, I am just fated to lose in every way imaginable. I’m almost 50 and have finally accepted it’s never going to be any different. There is no hope.
I’m giving myself a certain number of months to get everything in order, if something happens to change my mind, well then, hallelujah- but I’m not holding my breath.
I will probably use poisoning but I don’t want to traumatize whoever finds my remains. Is there a way to go peacefully and be food for animals without being toxic to them? I’m not brave enough to use a gun but if things get worse I may step in front of a train or something. Apologies to whoever is driving it- don’t feel bad, just know you helped release me from my grief.
Speaking of bravery, I’m always shocked when people say ‘he/she took the cowards way out’.. what is more courageous than taking responsibility for ending your very existence? Who am I to say it is right or wrong? If someone is suicidal, I hear your pain and know your grief. It is a gamble because we do not know what waits for us on the other side, for me, I am telling myself it is better. If nothing is there at least the torment will be over.
It will be hard for the people I leave behind, so many people rely on me but I need to end this. Too bad life doesn’t have a reset or undo button eh?
To everyone on this site.. may you find peace. Perhaps you could even find joy in life and stay alive.
3 comments
What, in particular, makes you feel this way?
I wish you the best, good luck and take care. Hugs
I feel the same way and I’m going to end it all in a few weeks. I’m thinking hypothermia would be a good option since it’s not messy and doesn’t involve anyone else.
I wish all the best for all of you.