Trying not to break down but yet starting to slide into the cracks at the same time…. No one understands my pain or whats on my mind right now. Maybe this is a bad point one someone says there’s only one you because you are unique. The knife is still in my back not going in any deeper but still hanging in there leaving me numb except for those raw tears I’ve been crying of misery, pain…. Just wishing to get out of it like a butterfly leaving its cocoon. Late at night just to get a little shut eye. But even when I’m asleep the memories of him rushing back to me feeling like a living nightmare though I am asleep.
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I may not know what you are going through exactly or what is in your head, but I have been through things that made me feel the same way at points. I can tell you that the nightmares are the worst, because even if you are feeling good and get to sleep well the shock you back and you feel everything all over again. Nightmares are not easily gone. in fact as you cope they are probably going to be one of the last things you get rid of. You have to find a way now for yourself to cope with the memories to get rid of the feelings they bring. Find some things to distract you. Give yourself little insignificant things to do at night when you can’t get back to sleep. Make your schedule busy in the morning so you don’t have time to think about everything. Reward yourself for progress that you make. Take note of the days where things were kind of okay.
Being unique is not a bad thing. No matter what someone out there will be able to relate in one way or another. You are the one who really understand yourself though. If you want to change and get out of the past and let go of the memories you are the one who has to start taking steps forward. Unfortunately, not everyone else out there cares. You can’t sit in pain and sorrow hoping someone will help you. You have to get up and fight to get your life back, the one you want to live.
I really hope you can get past all of this and if you need help you know where to find me. Good luck. Oh and no one said breaking down was a bad thing. Sometimes you need to let it out.