I just discovered this website, so I’m not really familiar with how it works, but here I am. I’m so alone, and right now all I want is just to feel like I’m not alone, to be around other people who understand what I’m going through. I’ve been going through depression for the past few years, but this past month it has really been hitting me hard and getting worse. Why am I struggling? The answer is one word, and one word that we all are just too familiar with. And that word is alone. I couldn’t feel anymore distance from my family, it’s like they all live in their own world. My sister and I used to always be like best friends, but then she made her own friends and lost interest in me. I don’t have any close friends in my life. Most of the friends I make are online, and I’ve made several good friends who are started to grow close to, but then their life gets busy and they move on, leaving me behind. This happens with everyone. I just want someone that I can talk to or be with around the clock, so that I never have to feel so abandoned and alone. My dream in life is to get married and have a family, but that dream feels so far away and unobtainable. And it hurts so much whenever I look around me and see all the happy families or friendships out there. Lately it seems like everywhere I look, there is something there to remind me that I have no one. I started cutting about a year ago. I would only ever cut on my arm though. But then a couple days ago I watched this movie called “Suicide Room” and I just connected with the main character so much that it released all of these buried emotions inside of me and I’ve been worse than ever. I started craving to cut places other than just my one arm, and slit up my chest after watching that movie. Then just now I slashed up my abdomen from my chest to my belly button. I’ve only ever attempted suicide once before, I tried to kill myself by starvation. I wanted to slowly rot away, because that’s what living feels like to me. But then after not eating anything for 48 hours, I gave in out of hunger and failed. I want to try and live though, I don’t want depression to beat me. I want to fight it and make it to the happy ending that’s waiting for me in the future. Because I know that I will be happy if I just wait, but waiting is torture. I am losing my grip here, I need someone, I can’t stand being alone anymore. I just want someone to talk to, at the very least.
There’s a loaf of bread on the table, and I’m the crumb that fell off and rolled onto the floor.
8 comments
You’re never alone here.
Thank you, I already feel at home here.
I hope that… well I don’t know what I hope, just that whatever happens from you being on this site is a good thing for you.
New to here? Don’t know how WHAT works???
People just post whatever crap they want half the time x~x whether it’s related to suicide or not…
Kudos to you for being above the line and actually posting something topic-related.
I’m completely alone too, in real life anyways, and even though I hate it, I hate trying to put up with people even more…nobody can fit my criteria for being ‘friends’ and a majority of friends I had in the past I now believe were circumstantial friends, flukes…
It’s a good place to come and get something off your chest if you’re sick of being judged by real-life people, but I wouldn’t go as far to say this site makes me any less ‘alone’. It’s simply nice to have [,on occasion,] people around that are also depressed, and can relate to that aspect of my life.
I’m gonna go watch that movie though…maybe I’ll get lucky and actually kill myself after, as unlikely as that’d be… =/
Besides, theres nothing better to do.
I legit went and watched that entire video…its actually right on youtube, if anyone else was curious about it…
Damn, deep shit…thats so fucked up…but like…in 8 different ways =/
It takes at least two or three things to fuck someone up so badly they kill themselves outright…almost makes me feel lucky I’m still somewhat free to do as I please…but thats what I’m afraid of losing most…
Anyways yeah, its worth a watch, “suicide room” 😛
@ALostShadow Aaaahh no no no you’re not alone and don’t let you hurt your precious body D: nooo!! D: *pardon for being childish* It’s awesome to hear that you want to try and live..
It would be even greater if you surround yourself with positive things, because human tends to adapt to their environment. If you watched too much sad and despair movies (like I did nowadays T_T) you’ll become desperate too and negative. but vice versa.
I have a weird logic. If you don’t want to be lonely, try reaching people whose lonelier than you.. those less fortunate people/children with no home and food to eat… You won’t be lonely anymore and they’ll fill your heart with tenderness. Loneliness is a choice. Don’t sink in it <3 Stand up.
Take care of yourself, YOU! D:
@Silverbird : go watch "Faith like Potatoes" :'D *runs, don't hate me for choosing religious matter*
oh man, I don’t know if i’m someone you’d wanna recommend religious titles to xDD
maybe whenever i feel like gouging my brain out with one of those things the Egyptians used to remove the brain through the nose for mummification xP THEN I’d go watch it hahaha ^^;
😀 hahahahaaha ~~~ ._, that’s a creepy way for mummification btw D: