We are on different sides on the globe. She agreed to let me fly to her place for a few days. After that I learned I’m unloved, as usual.
She’s suicidal and have emotional problems. But she has an interesting life and all sorts of exciting experience. I have nothing.
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been in a long relationship.
I have a stable 9-6 job. I have a master degree. I have good friends and family. I’ve always been a good student, employee, friend, and daughter. I excel in many areas but romantic life.
Don’t fucking ask me to just focus on other areas in life or fucking ask me to just wait. That’s not gonna work. I feel I will live a life forever unappreciated in the romantic way.
I live a generally healthy life. I do sports and enjoy the nature regularly. But endorphin is just temporary.
So I tried cutting myself. Just shallowly on thigh. I feel stupid for doing such thing for the first time at fucking 25. But well, loneliness is cumulative. The longer I live, the longer time I’m unloved. So cutting at 25 makes more sense than at teenage.
I have no other ways ranting out my emotion except crying a lot. Alcohols make me sick. Weed is illegal here.
I got here by Googling helium. But no worries, I don’t think I’ll kill myself as long as my mom is alive (as I told you, I’m a good daughter). And my mom is healthy as a horse. I just need a place to write something. Thank you everyone who reads this. Comments are appreciated.
9 comments
Are you me?
(Extended comment…). I understand you. I’ll be 25 in a couple of months. I have never been in a relationship at all. Well, I’m not really a good studn
(Extended comment…). I understand you. I’ll be 25 in a couple of months. I have never been in a relationship at all. Well, I’m not really a good student, just smart enough to keep going in my degree without a lot of study. I also have good friends, they are my everything to me. And not really a good family, my stepfather commited suicide the last summer, and I haven’t talked to my real father for years. But is also my mother the one who really stops me from thinking seriously to kill myself: I would never do that to her.
I had my cutting time last year. I don’t do it anymore, didn’t help at all.
So there’s also that girl. I haven’t even try anything… I’ve never been able to approach romantically anyone. No boys, no girls. But I have assumed that it’s only my fault. It’s not because of how other people see me, the problem is how I see myself.
That said, we are still very young. You’ll find someone. But, eventually, you may also lose her. And find someone else. In the meanwhile, it’s important lo learn to live with yourself. I know it’s easy to say, but you shouldn’t need someone else to feel happy or complete.
Thank you for your comment. We are more alike than you thought. I was also not really a good student but well I had good grades and I was on the Dean’s list – sorry I must brag about it because I have nothing else to. My parents divorced when I was small, so I’m not close to dad and I don’t really consider him my family (that being said, I don’t hate him).
Yes we are still young. But when everyone else had someone before our age, how can I believe things will change in the future? Yes I shouldn’t need someone else, but I feel the need. I feel it.
Sorry, I know you were trying to help. I didn’t meant to be an unappreciating asshole. Have a good day, another me.
Thank you for your comment. We are more alike than you thought. I was also not really a good student but well I had good grades and I was on the Dean’s list – sorry I must brag about it because I have nothing else to. My parents divorced when I was small, so I’m not close to dad and I don’t really consider him my family (that being said, I don’t hate him).
Yes we are still young. But when everyone else had someone before our age, how can I believe things will change in the future? Yes I shouldn’t need someone else, but I feel the need. I feel it.
Sorry, I know you were trying to help. I didn’t meant to be an unappreciating asshole. Have a good day, another me.
Sounds like the story of my life 🙂
Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. i appreciate it.
you are most welcome. email me if you want to talk….
on the other hand, i don’t know how to email somebody through this website. do they even have this option? lol
Ting12,
I guess they don’t. Thanks for the invitation! We can try that out. But don’t expect anything from me. I’m not a good conversationer; if I were, I probably wouldn’t be here.
Please email via
paper clip pings at gmail dot com
(Just ignore the spaces and use @ and . )