I don’t know how I do it. I think I’m different from a lot of people on here. I’m mostly happy. I have a house and truck and a cat and a business. And a wife. She means more to me than anything has ever meant to me. We’re so good together, the perfect team. Except we fight. A lot. When I get passionate about something I really dig in my heels and so does she so we clash. I have a temper, a bad one. I’ve been blowing up at people when they push me as long as I can remember. I work on it, I think I’m doing better then something strikes a chord and off I go. I think I finally pushed her too far tonight. I think she’s leaving me for good and I deserve it. If she doesn’t come back I know it’s my fault. I don’t know how to live alone. I’ve literally NEVER been alone. We’ve been together since I was 18 and moved out of home. I can’t run my company alone. I can’t pay my bills alone. I can’t live alone. I can’t be alone. I need her. Not just for practical reasons. To say she completes me is not right, she’s the other half of me, my soul mate. I can’t imagine a me without her. She’s like the heart to my lungs. I fucked up and I don’t know if I can come back from it. I’m such an ass, I found someone who loves me and I fucked it up. Story of my life, I get something good and I fuck it up. I always fuck up. I wish I had the courage to just end it but I don’t. I’ve heard people who do called cowards but they’re not. I envy them. To end your life takes courage I think, staying around is the easy way out because then, you don’t actually have to go through with it. I can wallow instead. That’s easier. And cowardly. You don’t have to worry about me doing anything rash, I won’t. I’m not man enough. Instead I’ll sit here and feel sorry for myself and let the realization hit me. I’m going to be alone. Till I die. In my own time. I hope it’s soon.
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I hear ya. I’m in the same boat. But this time I’m the wife and my husband is u. But I could never leave him even tho he treats me like shit
We all make mistakes. Bad, serious mistakes we believe we can’t recover from. I don’t know you but the anger has to be debilitating and hurts you as much as your wife.
Have compassion for you. There is a good person beneath all this pain. Look for him, he is there! Listen to your pain. That is the only way to heal from within.
Your wife is important to your life- YOU are more important. Listen to your message that you can’t survive alone. You sell yourself short. Okay, maybe that thought is overwhelming, being on your own. But two things:
1- at this point you don’t know 100% how this will turn out
2- taking care of yourself is a process of learning what you need and providing it for yourself. You take baby steps and you will get through this and learn and grow through it.
I can (maybe) hear you say but without your wife… what is it worth? It is worth YOU. Each of us are of valuable as ourselves- not because we have people who love us and stay with us. And we each have to learn this self value. The fact you are reacting to the loss of her as if you aren’t valuable shows how much you are hurting inside. That hurt can cause you to act as you wouldn’t have- even when it is not directly related to the situation.
Approach this situation in the manner of allowing you to grow as yourself and learn you can take care of you. Consider how to be you now, just in this moment (the situation can improve for the better later). After you contemplate this and how to make it- then approach your wife telling her what you’ve learned.
Learning to be on your own more can help you be a better you and then, maybe your anger won’t be triggered as much.
Don’t give up on you, your relationship, nor in your wife’s ability to listen to you as you learn to be a better you.
As far as your business goes, you will have to work it out how to deal with it in the meantime. That will be hard. But if you think of how you can grow from this and work on that and then, talk with her, even this task will be easier.
Best wishes! Believe in your ability to learn and grow!
P.S… It is not a weakness to not hurt you. It is a strength. Life is hard and complicated. We’re human. Remember to show compassion to you- as much as you would for a best friend who had a tough situation.
If I am reading between the lines correctly here… and I think I am, you’re not the only one here. One month ago my wife left with our son for the same reason. I know how you feel. Thats how I wound up on this site. Mines not coming back. If your wife does…. get counseling IMMEDIATELY. Nothing hurts more than hurting someone you love. And nothing makes you want to die like living in a home you shared, with the ghosts of your marriage. It get a little better but, only being a month in myself, I cant say how much better. Its still pretty bad. Good luck man, see someone about that temper. In the end, it’ll hurt you the most.
My 0.02¢: time supposedly heals all wounds.
Thanks everyone who posted advice. Pretend Girl, I’ve read your comments on other people’s posts and I appreciate you posting here. You have an amazing wisdom in your words. I wanted to update with what’s happened. My wife is back right now and things are mostly ok. On the surface anyway. We both know we’re amazing together but we also both know how fragile it is sometimes. Notsureifreadytogo, we are doing counselling, have been for a little over 2 years. It’s been amazingly helpful, we’re so much better than we used to be but still have so far to go. Times like the other night make it seem impossibly far. I still get so very down sometimes, I don’t have many friends that I can share this kind of thing with. That’s how I found this site. I have a hard time asking for help, posting here the other night was hard for me. And reading someone else’s comments – a strangers comments even – on my personal life is hard too. But good at the same time. It was an amazing relief when I got that first reply. A weight lifted. Thank you again to you all. I’m sure I’ll be back.