I’ve spent 3 1\2 years living in a shadow. She never got over her ex. A few times, she actually admitted it. I love her, unconditionally. Our first month together was perfect. Maybe longer than that. After that, I just wanted to be enough. Never happened.
I lost a lot of respect from my family and those relationships went downhill so fast. I gave up so much for her. She never asked me to, and she would be the first to remind me of that.
I think she’s hanging around her ex. It kills me to think about. I miss her.
I’m a washed out, 30 year old musician. I have a degree in criminal justice, but have never done a single thing with it. Many would call me a loser and I’d be inclined to agree with them. I’m looking for light all around me but everything I touch is turning to shit.
I guess it’s good she’s left, so I can’t drag her down with me. I know millions of people have it much worse with real problems, I just can’t do a thing without being haunted by the thought of her and visions of her face. Most of all, I miss holding her hand while she’s sleeping.
I miss her and she’s not coming back. Life won’t fall into place on its own and I haven’t the strength or motivation to try to assist.
I am so good at losing and messing things up. Too bad I can’t get paid for it.
I want out. The only time I feel peaceful and/or wear a smile, is when I think about ending it. I want to. I’ve seen enough and this isn’t for me. I’m not sure it ever has been or will be.
I love her unconditionally and always will. Nothing changes how shitty she’s treated me. And that is something that will always burn.
People are horrible. My lovely 98 year old grandmother always said “treat people the way you wish to be treated”. So much easier said than done.
I’m going to miss her until the day I die. I’m hoping that’s sooner than later.
3 comments
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a romantic relationship that wasn’t fucked up in some way. I’m sorry about what happened to you. It’s stuff like this, and my own experiences, that convince me that if I can’t have a near perfect relationship, or at least something close to my ideals, I’d rather stay single and unattached for life. So be it.
Being with someone that is still “stuck” on an ex is a recipe for disaster. I’ve done that to people, but i’ve had the luck of letting my previous love “go” eventually and being able to commit to the present relationship, but it doesn’t always happen, it’s really just a gamble. I’ve told to myself after my last relationship that it would really take someone way too special to make me even consider getting close to someone (due to the heavy baggage i’ve been left with), and most people should do that, but they don’t.
In the long run, at least you gave it your all, which is more than what she did from the sound of what you wrote. Even if you are a 30-something musician that hasn’t used his degree (i’m in the same situation, but a bit worse) that doesn’t mean it’s your fault that the relationship failed, or that there’s something wrong with you. If you haven’t used your degree (correct me if i’m wrong) it can be because you loathe it or just because you haven’t felt the need to do so, but you can always use it as just a tool to achieve your real interests. I’ve been through similar stuff that you have from the looks of it, and all i can say is that there’s all kinds of people, for all kinds of people, so you never know what you might find.
I do think your grandmother was right tho, but she forgot to tell you something: the fact that you embrace an ideology like the one she mentioned (which is a great one, and we should all use it) doesn’t mean the rest has. They might not even had heard it for all we know. So you might as well add “just don’t expect too much in return” to that one to make it complete.
Sorry for the long post, but the ex/30s/musician/unused-career resonated hugely on me. I wish you the best.
What a beautiful, sad post.