I am 19 yrs old. I am studying in a private university and to graduate I will have to pass 12 semesters. I am in my very first semester and have already failed. I haven’t told my parents about this, as I am afraid that my father will kill me if he knows that I have failed, because my family is very poor. This semester cost about 500 bucks and it was wasted completely. I failed because I missed a class in which the study material for the exam was given and I couldn’t get it later because I don’t know how and where to ask for help. I know I am intelligent, I passed school and college with good grades by studying much less than my classmates, so this semester wasn’t supposed be any problem for me. The only thing I lack is the ability to talk to people using the right words. You guys know from experience that in university level it isn’t possible to survive if you don’t know how to talk with others. I have no friends in university, no one even looks at me. I have made attempts to make friendship with my classmates, but they just ignore me. Even school and college was paradise compared to this. When I go to university I feel like I am going to hell. I have went to psychologists to know what problem I have but they have said nothing is wrong, it is my fault that I don’t work hard enough to get help from people. That is completely false. I do everything I can to make people like me.I don’t know what to do anymore. My head is so jumbled up that I couldn’t even write this using the right words and it took me half an hour to write this shit. Someone plz help this poor boy with some advice. If this keeps going on I will have no other option but to commit suicide, because I can’t live without money and to earn money social skills are vital. I can’t live like this! I know that no one is asking me to live, and no one cares about me, so it doesn’t matter to anyone if I die. If you care at least a little bit about another human being like me, plz help me with some good advice. Thank you have a good day.
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Holy shit young man, try and relax just a little bit. I don’t know you, but I don’t know too many people who perform well under the kind of pressure you seem to be under.
I’m sure you’ll do better at school, but it kind of sounds like your focus is a little bit all over the place right now. I don’t know how you operate, but for me it’s always worst thing 1st. Get it out of the way so you can focus on the rest. Social anxiety isn’t easy to deal with, and at university I can’t imagine; HS was about all I could take personally…
There are people at your university specifically designated to help you with your education, who have a vested interest in seeing you succeed. i.e., they get to keep pumping you and your family for more tuition 😉 Bad joke, I know; but very true. You gotta use these people your parents are paying to help you. These people aren’t there to make you feel dumb or awkward or whatever. They’re there to help. Just try and relax and give them a chance to do their jobs. I think you’ll find dealing with most people on a professional basis to be pretty accommodating.
As for the friend/relationship stuff… it’s cliche as fuck but you gotta be yourself, dude. People who don’t accept you for who you are, won’t be around long anyway so don’t worry about trying to impress or appease every single person you meet. I’ll tell you from experience that your best friends tend to just find you, however that happens. Again, I don’t know you but you come off as a guy who’s wound up pretty tight right now. I’m sure it’s all the stress you’re under, so once again: relax lol (and yes, this is seriously my answer for everything. “Sky is falling you say… why don’t you shut the fuck up and relax about it.”) 😉 jk
If it were me I would narrow my focus. Get your house in order on the education front, and a lot of the other stuff just kind of falls into place. I think you’ll find people have a way of “nosing” into your life, whether you want them to or not. The hard part, at least for me, is maintaining those relationships.
Try and have a better week, kid. I’m sure your parents wouldn’t want to feel like they added to the pressure that you’re feeling right now. I know you said your parents were poor, but it’s just fucking money, man. They wouldn’t have put it up if they didn’t think it was worth it. Shit happens. Do better this time.
thank you very much for your response.
You’re right, it’s very difficult to pass university without cooperation from others. That fear you have I had too. I was missing many vital things (notes, assignments, important notices) because of lack of friendship. I don’t know what you can do but i’ll tell you what i did. I made friendship with the lowest of them. you know, lower ones never say no. they’re open for all. so there was this group which consisted of these low ones. i hanged out with it, i walked with them from place to place. of course i hardly talked; i just used to walk with them (actually behind them). i was intelligent so i sometimes used to help them with some study related problem. that was enough for them to accept me in their group. this didn’t help me in actual studies, no; but i was getting all important extra info. these type of people also know shortcuts to everything.
later on this group split up and i realized that there were two other guys in it who were like me. they were also in it out of necessity. so we three vulnerable ones made our own group. and with three, chances of missing an info is very less. we never faced any actual study related problem because we all were pretty decent in intelligence. it was just cooperation we needed – and that we got.
thank you for replying. I was doing what you have told me to do but my friends abandoned me for some reason. I still dont know why this happened. feeling helpless.
Hang in there, and talk to an academic adviser, and the dean of your major. Take one semester at a time, one week at a time, one day at a time. “Eating an elephant, one bite at a time.” (that’s just an expression, but I think you get the idea).
I always recommend talking to the teacher about the grades long before the semester is over. They tend to be more merciful if you go to class regularly too. Just be honest and be yourself. The more open and honest you are the more they will be willing to help. The first semester, or two are a bear, but you can change your study habits and get your gpa back in line.
Do you have a dean you can talk to about scholarships? Or even part time jobs on campus?
I would do what are you telling me but I dont know how to talk to the people you have mentioned. I never have done things like this. In school and college teachers were much more friendly but now there are no room for mistakes. If I dont know what I am supposed to say then its no use talking to thw advisors or deans. the only problem is that I dont know what to say in which place.
Tell them what is going on, level with them. you are stressed, and trying to grasp the curriculum. They should be familiar with students adjusting to the higher stakes.
Tell them you are “adjusting your success strategy for their university”. Ask them for resources, and advice. If it helps, write up what is happening with you and you can read it out to them in their office. They are there to help you succeed. And don’t let their degrees scare you, they are still only human. when all else fails just be professional, you know: Hello Dr. Scary, I would like to discuss strategies for my college career. Do you have any advise you can give me on how to excel at this university. stuff like that.
I’m shy by nature, and I understand the tongue-tied feeling of not knowing what to say. unfortunately that will only get better with practice.
But defiantly make an appointment to talk with someone, and if they point you toward talking with others, do it. It is worth it to track someone down who can help.