do i deserve to live? i took my own childs life away? he couldnt speak, he couldnt say no, he couldnt fight for his life and i took it away from him, i could have had a beautiful 1 year old boy to this day and i still would have been with my girlfriend but now i have fucked that all up and im left alone with nothing no one to love no purpose to live or go on i want my baby back i want to be with him up in heaven. is that so bad?
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Bad, no. Only you can decide if you deserve to live i’d imagine. But we all make mistakes, big ones, and I don’t subscribe to the notion that souls/consciousness is ever truly lost. Time has no meaning on the other side. 80 years on earth may be a fraction of a second for your son.