Oh Boy…

It’ll probably be some time next week. If all goes to plan.

I’m kind of excited, in a dark and twisted kind of way. It makes me feel more at ease knowing it’ll all be over soon.

I remember the last time I did this.

All the planning, all the secrecy. And in the end it came to nothing.

Bought a 300 pill tub of painkillers, took 2 because I had a headache part way through.

Bought 12 pints worth of beer and had one can, which was warm.

Bought a nice strong hemp rope and the beam above me wasn’t strong enough.

In the end I just fished out a razor blade like so many times before. Put it to my throat, pushed in and pulled across. And I did a damn good job.

I could do that again but I won’t. I mean, I know I’m capable of it, cutting never really hurt.

It’s too messy though.

Belt will do nicely.

It was so much easier back then, no one checked my mail, I could leave the house whenever I wanted, they wouldn’t check up on me every hour.

I know that now, timing will be crucial. But I have it set up. Let them go to work, at the latest they’re all gone by 9:30am. No one will check up on me again until at least 11:00am. Have a couple of cigarettes and a beer or two. Send out a couple of texts to friends and then showtime.

But it’ll work, I can feel it. Deep down in me. This has been a long time coming.

I’ll keep posting, until I don’t.