I’ve never done anything like this before. I guess I’m just looking for anything or anyone to save me. I’ve been depressed all my life. Things have happened and everyone seems to always try and justify them..along with myself. I tried so hard to push it the back of my mind , I just want to forget it all. It’s always something happening, and I can’t escape for any of it. I feel stuck. I’m drowning my own self. I’m loosing this battle . It’s scary. I always think that maybe one day I’ll just have enough…and I’ll loose. It scares the living shit out of me but somehow I’m so curious. Maybe this will be the end Ive been searching my whole life for. Peace..calm..no more worries. No more tears. Everyone has always had someone and me..I’ve always been by myself. I think that’s what hurts the most. The people you so desperately want to love you back..love you like you love them. Don’t. They can’t even see.. But it’s not their fault. This whole world is blind. We get so caught up. I’ve never been able to figure out, what the fuck is wrong with me ? Where did I go wrong ? You always grow up thinking that you’re gonna do so well in life and that you won’t be like them . Them being the nobodies, losers, people who have no meaning. And here I am..someone who feels empty, so lost and so scared. I wish someone could save me. I wish I could save myself. It’s funny how I always have this little thought in the back of my mind, that maybe one day I will.
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Never never never give up. Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up..
You’ll love making purposes, no matter how blurred they are, but at least it’ll makes you struggle a little bit longer, have experience a little bit more, and makes yourself a little bit stronger everyday. It won’t just happened in a flash but by everyday little things that you’d do.
People will tell you to never give up, there is a purpose to your existence, rely on god, there is hope. Ok on what basis? The people encouraging you dont stick around. They should hang around long enough to say “it will get better” than leave. People have been telling me that for decades but it only got worse! At 31 i had witnessed the horror of existence time and time again. The harder I tried the more i failed. Life is a role of the dice – some people have it and some people don’t. People like me don’t. I am ugly, riddled with anxiety etc. All these things keep me from being happy. Its something that no pill can cure. Nature itself is nihilistic and without purpose. For example: If we had some kind of purpose in life, then why do microscopic viruses have so much power to take it away? what is there purpose? I dont know how old you are or where your at in life, but I have been suicidal hardcore since 2007. I never tried anything because its too dangerous. If i can get some kind of euthanasia drug or a shotgun then maybe. I keep scheming, plotting, and planning but i alaways hit a wall. ill find a way someday!
The death dont suffer. We did not choose to be born and we damn sure didn’t choose the cards we were dealt with. What ever you choose is up to you.
*pat pat* 🙂 *hug*
I have no one either. It’s not their fault so I can’t hate them. So, okay, I hate life instead.
I might be able to save you…if you’re in Colorado? 🙂
I wish I could save you. That would make me happy. If you were happy.
I love you.
I know that sounds weird, but it is how I am. You are a person, and you have feelings, and I try to understand them, to understand you, so that I can hopefully make you feel better. Your existance makes me feel something, if not happy (I’ve given up on that one), even though I don’t know you, and never will. You are precious to me, because you exist, and have feelings, and wants, and needs.
I love you, perhaps, also, because I, too, have no one, and cannot trust people that I know with the knowledge that I love them.
But you are here. I sympathize. I can tell you the truth.
I cannont save you, but I hope very much that you are saved.
I love you.
T-T *sobs*