you see? I don’t even know what to title this because I don’t even know how I feel. Actually I do; I’m worthless, useless like my brother says. I’m a freshman in college. I only got to finish fall & winter term because just today I got told I got dropped out of college. I’ve been distracted because my ex boyfriend left me without a reason. Yea it’s stupid to be sad over a boy but it’s something I can’t control. I gave this guy something I always treasured. He told me he loved me & he showed me he did. I am so confused on why he left but my pride is stronger & I refuse to talk to him. Now I don’t know how I’m going to tell my parents this. I don’t have a job either because I’m an extremely shy girl that interviews terrify me. So without a job and now without school I’m worthless. I already have enough with my parents always favoriting my brother. My mom always blaming me for everything. My dad telling me I’m not smart enough. I’m an average girl. You can say “popular” I have a lot of acquaintances. I’m always laughing, smiling, and always want to have a good time. I guess I’m good at faking a smile and hiding how I truly feel. I cut myself because it stops me from crying. I’m a weak person. Everything gets to me quick. I’ve thought about suicide couple times before as well because I cannot understand the purpose of why I’m here. I just can never do it. It feels good to let things out knowing people won’t judge you for putting it on the internet. I don’t seek advice either but just letting out how I feel and knowing someone read it makes me feel better.
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3 comments
I know you don’t seek advice… but it’s not the end of the world. You have plenty of time to turn things around. Being distracted by a breakup is not dumb either, some people just can’t (specially if they gave away something special to them like you say).
As for job interviews making you nervous i think you could apply that same fake smile thing to some degree, and that might take a bit of the nervousness away. I get really anxious on interviews and when talking to numerous people but it is possible to control it over time. In any case if you are a freshman you can always try again, many people do so, or switch careers eventually, so as i said it’s not the end of the world. Whatever you end up doing, good luck.
I’m also a freshman in college and this has been one of the most trying and stressful years of my life. Things went from bad to worse and I still haven’t been able to pick myself back up. Things may not ever get better, but you’ll get stronger. You’ll find a way to balance everything and make a way for yourself. I really hope that happens soon. You aren’t worthless. You aren’t stupid. Its a shame that you have to hear that from people who are supposed to love you. Just try to keep your head up and push through. You’ve got this. You’re bigger than your situation.
I’m a freshman in college too, mostly ’cause I got late start. I’m going to drop down to less than full time, because there’s no way I can pass my lab. It’s just too stressful and I shut down. As for the interviews, I’m still terrified of them, but I (or anyone else on here that you may trust more) will be more than happy to help you practice through skype or something, and trust me, if you can get past the awkwardness of a skype interview, you can handle any interview. My parents have always favored my brother and sister over me, my only advice there is to remember that you are worth more than others’ opinions of you. You are so much more than your sorrow and your pain. You’re going through hell, yet you are still breathin, but you are stronger than you’ll ever realize. If you get knocked down, get back up, if you can’t, we won’t hesitate to pick you back up. This is just temporary, remember that you WILL beat it.