i used to be a very happy child. i’m still always smiling almost all the time but it’s a fake smile covering my true feelings. this life means nothing to me. and one of the reasons that i hate myself is that my feelings are easily changed so i cannot be sure about what i really feel.
why are we here? isn’t this a bit strange for you? what does life mean? what if i wasn’t born at all? there MUST be some reasons for being here!
i feel i’m in prison. i don’t like to be here. and sometimes i suspect that other people are not real and they are just my imaginations and even they are pretending and this whole life is just a dream. i want to wake up. i find this life too boring and too meaningless to continue. the biggest problem is if i commit suicide what then? what if i go somewhere worse?
and it’s very very silly that our feelings can be easily controlled by drugs and medicines. well i guess that no one can realize what i really mean.
it feels good to type down all these words. i wish for all the people around the world a real smile (if they are real)