I’ve been attempting to take my life since I was 14. I always have found ways to talk myself out of it. I’ve got to graduate college. At 20, I’ve got to get my BS degree. And now at 26, I’m here getting my PhD at a reputable university with a beautiful wife. What I feel at my core has not changed.
I want my aunt’s and my wife’s approval. Situate them with loaned money and then disappear the way I would like. I’ve done therapy. I’ve been on many prescription drugs. Still I find myself here.
I’ve been thinking lately that this never gets better. Everyone who says it does is fucking lying. How can this feeling last more than a decade with me addressing my issues and seeing medical doctors. I have exhausted my options. Some of us are just meant to leave sooner than others I think.
I’m tired of wandering and wondering what best way there is to die. I’m tired. I hope hear me out there.
I’m tired
3 comments
I want to hurt myself too. I am so mad at the world, my life, my non-life, mad at ME!
The depression hits so hard, you push the angish deep down until it has no place to go. So, hurting the self is preferred than living with the pain.
I think the real answer is to talk about the pain. Talk about why you want to die. Talk about why you look at yourself as the person to hurt.
Please don’t hurt you. You don’t believe it but you are needed in the world. Only you can speak the words on your mind. Write about your pain- others feel the same and you can help them as you help yourself.
Be gentle with yourself. Have compassion for the person you are that feels so desperate that you’d give up your life. :-{
Take great care of YOU.
ligo89 ,
We are all tired! We all think as you do in one way or another, the truth is that’s the way it’s suppose to be, life is and can be very discouraging, but it is what it is, it takes a lot of effort to turn things around, is it worth it? yeah it is! but the only way to feel it is to do it! so do it! you are the captain of your ship.
Me too. Bone tired. More than ready to leave this world.