I’ve been attempting to take my life since I was 14. I always have found ways to talk myself out of it. I’ve got to graduate college. At 20, I’ve got to get my BS degree. And now at 26, I’m here getting my PhD at a reputable university with a beautiful wife. What I feel at my core has not changed.
I want my aunt’s and my wife’s approval. Situate them with loaned money and then disappear the way I would like. I’ve done therapy. I’ve been on many prescription drugs. Still I find myself here.
I’ve been thinking lately that this never gets better. Everyone who says it does is fucking lying. How can this feeling last more than a decade with me addressing my issues and seeing medical doctors. I have exhausted my options. Some of us are just meant to leave sooner than others I think.
I’m tired of wandering and wondering what best way there is to die. I’m tired. I hope hear me out there.