It feels like my chest is caving in. I can hardly breathe. Moving is difficult too. There’s this…disconnect…happening between my soul and body.
My soul needs to cry and release some of this emotion but my body refuses to allow it. My soul scratches at the doors to leave my body and yet, nothing changes. How do you escape your own body? The scratches from within are beginning to show. Random marks are showing on my body. I don’t recall scratching myself or bumping into things.
I can feel my soul trying to die but my body just isn’t responding. The stress of school, work, the anniversary of my friends suicide, my own health issues, and everything else…It’s starting to break me. Every little thing annoys me. I need help but I don’t want help. I want to die and be free of all my ties but my body prevents me. I plead to myself in the mirror, “Just let me go!” and yet no release.
“Just let me go..” Such strange words. The last words of my friend…”Just let me go. Let me go.” She went on to another life as I wish to do.
Like her, let me go. Just let me go.
1 comment
Thank you for posting this. I find myself saying a lot of things out loud the past few months. “Let me go” has been one of them. I never really knew why I was saying it or to whom. Was it directed towards God, society in general, doctors, my family and friends, or to my own consciousness? It could be my soul trying to escape the unbearable pain and anguish I face every second of every day. Sometimes it’s too much to take and there is no way to fix it. I wish people would understand that, instead of always thinking of clichés like “time can heal all wounds” and “you will find someone else” and “just move on with your life” etc.