I don’t know

I think about it everyday. I’m not really sure if I’m depressed or just sad all the time. I never do anything right. I’m the type of person where if my teacher gave the whole class a pop quiz everyone else would score a 100% and I would be that odd ball to score a 90% or even a 80%. I know what your probably thinking. An 80% isn’t even that bad. But you get my point. I fail at everything. I even think my own father hates me. I could be all happy with my friends at school but the minute I get home I’m all upset. I find myself crying at times but I hate crying. It makes me want to just kill myself. I feel weak and I don’t want to feel weak. Sometimes I feel like if I do kills myself then everyone would feel bad for the things they’ve done. Maybe then I might get the attention I deserve. I can’t help with these feelings. I can never bring myself to actually commit suicide because something stops me from doing it. I know there are other people out there that may have it way worse than me. Maybe I’m just a selfish girl. I honestly don’t know. I have nobody to talk to. They just won’t understand me. I don’t know where all this sadness comes from. Maybe it’s from all the stress of school and my dad. I swear he hates me. He’s always finding some way to argue with me and make me cry. He has no clue of how I’m really feeling. He always shuts me down when I try to speak. It’s frustrating.