I don’t understand why sometimes I wake up feeling ok and other times I wake up and I don’t want to get out of bed…I sleep for 10 hours and still feel tired. I no longer get joy out of my appearance. I hide it as much as can because my boyfriend puts up with so much, with my panic attacks and anxiety. We try to rate how much I hate myself daily on a scale of 1-10. I live in fear of when he will leave me, because who could love an empty shell. I don’t understand why he hasn’t left me, I have so little joy. I don’t even know what I’m trying to write about right now. At some point during each day I come to the conclusion that I should die, and I crave it so much when I think about it. I guess I just want to sleep for a very long time. If you never stop sleeping, you never have to wake up and feel the horrible burden of guilt in your heart.
I guess I just want to talk to other people who might feel the same way.