“I love you more” ….these words are haunting me now. I used to say them to you, when we were in love and together. Now, you’ve said you’re done, that nothing can save our love, our lil family. So it’s true. I do love you more. I love you so much I can’t stand not being without you, talking to you, can’t stand you not in my life. One day that you’ll be with another man, in love with him, in his arms, making love to him, calling him baby. I can’t take that pain, and you won’t save me. Told you I’d kill myself and you still won’t fight for our family, still won’t stop my pain. I need the pain to stop, I just need you. No one else can make this pain stop. I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE EVER BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL OF ME, ALL MY HEART, ALL MY SOUL, ALL MY LOVE, ALL I AM! And you won’t save me….you’re not here. And all I want is for the pain to stop. For me to die. The hope of our family being together again is the ONLY thing keepingme from sslicing my throat….but how long do you really think I’ll be able to keep that hope in my heart baby, how long do you think I can take the pain until I can’t take anymore?? A minute, an hour, a week, a year? Not long. I need you, why can’t you see it. I know deep down you still love me, but why do I have to love you more……….
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This is very touching. If it were addressed to me it might well win me over. Good luck trying to get her back op.
OMG, you have just posted my exact thoughts and feelings. I had to put my phone down while I was reading because I was crying too hard. It is identical to my situation, although mine has already gotten worse.
She has already gone back to her ex-husband, the one she left to be with me in the first place. She also took her 3 kids with her. We were together for 5 1/2 years. I helped raise those kids. We were engaged. And now they have abandoned me and erased me from existence. They never want to see me or hear from me ever again. I mean nothing to them.
They are aware of my previous attempt to end it all exactly 3 months ago to the day. They know another attempt is going to happen at some point. And yet they don’t choose to save me. Instead they push me further and further to the brink with their silence.
And yet, I’m still here wishing for their return. No matter what they have put me through, I still long to see them and talk to them once again. All I can think about every second of every day is to reunite with them and how glorious it would be.
But I’m a fool, as it is clear that will never happen. They are happy without me. So my broken heart will never mend. My time here is almost up. I can feel it.
Thanks seppuku, I wish I could think that if I sent her it that it would make a difference in her heart to me. But it wouldn’t, for whatever reasons she won’t let herself forgive me, won’t come home to me or her dog that she loves like her son. We fought for stupid reasons, I lost my job and got depressed, she lost her uncle and got more depressed. I couldn’t find a new job, felt worthless topain , felt like I wasn’t giving her the life she deserved….so I broke up with her. It was about the 4th time we broke up, kicked her out the house. To make it worse it was 15mins after her friends father died, I couldn’t take her new found depression. I will regret my actions until the day I die. I HATE myself for it. I thought I was helping her. Fuck depression, I was so lost in it I thought losing her would help me. What’s wrong with me?
worthless_loser 73
You and I are too much alike, we are pain mates. Only you know the pain I’m in, only I know yours. I feel for you, I know what it’s like to not be wanted, to cry out to that person and get nothing. Just to want to see them, hold them, touch them. I wish so badly that there was an easy fix for our pain. I’m almost to the end of my will to fight too. Lost my last little will to live today. I don’t know how much longer I’ll hang in. I have people who love and will miss me, but I need her. I wish I could change what I’ve done. I wish I could get her back, but there’s no way….maybe time, but it’s not a guarantee, and if I ever saw her with another that’d do me in right there. What other choice do we have but to end the pain, right ny friend? I don’t want to, don’t want you to, but how the hell are we expected to live a life in this pain??