I miss her so much it hurts. She was my everything. My reason to get up in the morning. My reason to want to be a better person. My reason to want to live.
Now that she has left me, there is a hole inside me. The hole is so big, I can’t function anymore. I can’t work. I can’t think straight. I can’t laugh or smile. I’m useless without her.
All I do every second of every day is think about her. I have daydreams of her texting me or calling me to say she still loves me and she made a mistake. I imagine our reunion and it is glorious and amazing.
If only I could see her smile at me once more. She has the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. If only I could touch her face, stroke her hair, kiss her lips.
But I know she is gone and never coming back to me. She is happy in her new life without me. Even though it is the same as the old life she left to be with me in the first place. That life she hated so much, that life that made her feel like a zombie. That life that made her heart feel like it was disappearing.
She said I came along and it was like she was waking up from a coma. She could feel things once again. Her heart knew true love for the first time. She said I was like a gift from God.
Now I’m nothing to her at all. After 5 1/2 years of complete devotion, she has abandoned and erased me. She has taken away my reason to live. And yet, I still love her with all my heart and soul. And I always will.
Oh how I miss you my beautiful girl.
8 comments
Why are you so sure she will never come back?
I’ve known her for almost 8 years. Was in a relationship with her for 5 1/2 years. I know her as well as I know myself. When she makes up her mind, she is the most stubborn person on earth. Plus she has the ability to flip a switch and stop loving somebody cold turkey. Like I said in a previous post, she has completely erased me from her life, to the point where she and her kids pretend I never even existed at all. Impossible to think of someone when he doesn’t exist in your mind.
I’ve been separated from my wife for a year now WL. I’ve just started to realize in the last week or 2 that she really isn’t coming back and it hurts like hell. Try to stay busy to keep my mind off her, but it doesn’t do any good. Doctor changed my meds and I’m seeing a new counselor, but that’s not helping either. It’s like I’m stuck in a never-ending bad dream.
I understand your pain. Unfortunately, as you can imagine, I have the same pain, too. It never goes away no matter what you do. If you truly loved someone and truly felt like they were your one true love and you gave everything to them for years and years, then you will never get over something like that. Your heart won’t let you. Your heart will always want them and only them.
I may never been married but I know how you feel me and my recent ex were together for almost 3 years before he walked out. If you need someone to talk to. email me.
naruto.chic@yahoo.com
Sorry to hear that. You don’t have to be married to truly love someone. Her and I used to say we were married in our hearts. Then we got engaged and set a wedding date and everything. And now it’s all gone forever.
I still feel your pain. My situation is only getting worse. I simply reached out to my girl for a friend because I’m scared of how I feel, I feel as if I need her to understand and be with me through my pain….all she said was “if u don’t stop (texting her), the cops will be called.” So now I can’t even have any contact with her, or she’ll get a restraining order. All I’m doing is texting her, seeking friendship at this point…I want more, but I can’t even have that. She basically killed my last little bit of will I had left today, she basically signed my death certificate. I wish there was relief for the pain we are in, but only those women of our lives can give us that. I hate feeling this pain, I know you do to. Sorry I can’t help anymore then that, but I can’t heal my own horrid pain.
Our situations couldn’t be more similar. After she decided she didn’t want to be a couple anymore, the last thing she said was that we would be friends. Then a whole week went by and I didn’t hear anything at all.
That’s when I planned and halfheartedly attempted to kill myself. I spent 5 days in the psych ward because she called the cops when she received my suicide letter.
When I got out we talked for a few days by phone and text. Then it got bad again and she met me at a gas station to give me back some of my stuff that I left her when I thought I’d be dead. I gave her a letter for her and a letter for each one of her three kids. I thought that would be the last time I ever heard from her.
She ended up calling that same afternoon and so did her kids. The next day I went over to her house. The day after that she came over to mine. I saw her twice more in the next 5 days, with 2 more good days after that. I was getting a little better. I told myself that even though we might not be a couple anymore, I could survive this severe major depression if I could have her and the kids in my life. In any capacity at all.
And then all of a sudden it all stopped. No contact at all from any of them. I didn’t know why. I kept waiting for a call or a text. On her birthday she said she didn’t want to have any more communication with me ever again. I obliged her just to see how far she would take this. I thought to myself, they will miss me at some point and make contact. I was wrong.
Then on easter I took over an easter basket I made for the kids. I dropped it off on her porch when no one was home. The next evening she brought it back to my house when I wasn’t there along with a letter. In the letter she finally came clean with why I was abandoned and erased from their lives.
She had gone back to her to ex-husband, the one she cheated on and left to be with me in the first place. The one she had spent almost 6 years trashing, saying he was a terrible father and husband. The one that hated me more than anything in the world. The one that had threatened to beat me up or even kill me.
She was back with him and loved him now, and I meant nothing to her anymore. Not even a memory, because in her mind I never even existed. When I went over to her place to confront her, she wasn’t there. She was out with him. Cops were called. She tried to get a restraining order, but I was never served with one. I tried to get a protective order against her ex-husband for making threats once again over the phone, but was unable to because I had no real proof he did it.
So there we are now. She is loving and sleeping with the one person that hates me the most in the world. She used to yell at him and cry when he threatened me. Now she probably likes it and thinks he’s macho and I’m a *****. She feels nothing for me.
And yet, no matter all this, I still love her with all my heart. I want her and only her. I still long for her and secretly wish she would come back to me. And that will never end.