my story

Im 21 years old yet i still feel like such a useless child, that same little girl whose father wanted her aborted, whose mother sdespite this got back together with said father and stood by while he both physically and emotionally abused me. He eventually kicked me out after finding out i had been raped saying that i deserved it and was better of dead. I struggeled to find a new place to stay the night most nights, if i couldnt find a place id sleep in a stall at hyvee or a walmart. While homeless i became addicted to meth. Id spend everyday high i felt like i needed it to keep going to forget and feel happy. I befriended other meth users and dealers, sold for them to keep myself high, during that time i came close to being raped again, by one of those dealers

 yet i still couldnt quit spent 3 years trying. Ive finally managed to get myself sober by moving to another state but all i wana do is run out and find some it cant be that hard to find. Not being highis awful i have flashbacks, night terrors and all these feeling i cant block the past out sober qnd it makes me want to die. I want my mom back i want parents who love me i want to mean something to someone. I dont want to feel jealous or sad everytime someone talks about their family. Idnt want to be this needy i dnt want to be this freak who sees things that arent there, who hides away becuase she cnt handle the real world sober i dnt even know whats going on with me anymore i just feel like giving up