no forgiveness

I am the youngest in my family. I’m not close to anyone in my family except my brother (1 year age difference). When I was born I had two older (half) sisters who were about 8 and 6. I remember getting blamed for everything. They used to frame me and nobody ever believed that I was truly innocent. Even now, when they’re young-adults and no longer live here, I get blamed for anything bad happening in my parents life. I guess it’s easy to blame me. My father has a horrible temper and my mother has a personality of a mean school girl. This is really not a good combination when they hate their child (me). They say that it’s my fault that their lives suck me being born made everything worse and they tell me they should have gotten an abortion. I agree because I would have rather not have been born than have to have been born into this family. About 3 years ago, when I was 13, my sister was staying here to sleep. She choose to sleep in my room. She was being really mean to me and I asked her to leave. She then went on the floor with blankets and talked trash about me. (Which I’m used to) I again asked her to leave. She refused. I then asked my brother to ask her to leave thinking that he could convince her. She decided not to leave. My brother never even came into my room he just stood in the hallway. I then decided to pull the blankets from her and put them on the couch. Before I could even leave my room to put them on the couch she started to scream and cry. My brother and I were obviously confused. I couldn’t even think of anything to say I was thrown off guard as to why she was doing this. Her screaming attracted my parents. She then told them that my brother and I took her blankets and kicked her! Right away we tried explaining what really happened and our parents would not even listen to us! Mr. Bad temper started beating both my brother and I and called us “sick fucks”. And he preached never to hit a girl ( I think it should be noted that I AM a girl so he contradicted himself) After our beat down all of our possessions were taken for over a month and a lot were destroyed. They both refused to even listen to our story (the real story). I CANNOT get over this. I’ve been blamed for a hell of a lot of things that I never did in my life but this is the worst to me and I think of it all the time. I can’t forgive this. I just can’t. The fact that she lied like that and she just KNEW she had total control over us bugs me so damn much. And I can’t forgive my parents for believing her for this. My sister now pretends like this never happened…i wish it was that easy for me to forget. I’ve never hit either of my sisters my entire life. Ever. Neither has my brother. I have a lot of hatred in my heart from this incident because I realized that I will always be blamed. A stranger could say anything to my parents and they’d automatically believe them over me even though I’ve never lied to my parents in my teenage years. (In my childhood years I lied about simple things like going down to a creek when I wasn’t supposed to be so I can’t say I *never* lied but nothing extreme) Not having a supportive family is devastating to me. I honestly feel like my brother is the only family that I have. I know suicide would leave him alone with those assholes and that’s what really hurts me. That’s what I feel guilty about. I’ve actually felt like committing suicide ever since that incident…and I kept it to myself. But I decided to reveal this to my brother in late 2014 just because he’s always been there for me and I didn’t want to blindside him. So I told him that I found it best to do this for myself in the near future. I made him cry which made me feel like the shittiest human alive. It made me cry to see him cry. I never saw him cry before that. But he told me that he suspected that I was going to…Which surprised me because I thought I was doing a pretty good job at hiding it. I feel that the time is about up now and before June I’ll find a better place where I can belong. Even if it is in Hell.