Realisation

I guess you could call this a suicide note without the suicide. Maybe an explaination of why I’m so unhappy all the time and pray for a knife-wielding to randomly slit my throat so I can escape this hell.

I know, and have known for a long time, that I don’t fit in with this world. I don’t agree with most of what human beings do and I don’t enjoy what normal people do. I hate alcohol and drugs and the effect they have on people but I hate the selfishness of human beings and the pain that this causes.

This world should be a great place to live, we have all the resources to live happily but for some reason (and I can only speak about Britain as this is where I live) we are too busy chasing money so we don’t have to sleep in the cold. People ‘live for the weekends’ so they can go and get extremely drunk and sleep around to create new people who will ‘live for the weekend and go out and get drunk and sleep around’. Are we really more advanced than what we were 1000 years ago? Technologically yes but emotionally no. We are still selfish creatures who look out for ourselves and try to take as much as we can get.

My friends all enjoy the same things and have the same things, which is a job, a relationship, going out at weekends and… well that’s it. That is what society tells us we should do and most people seem quite happy doing that but I don’t enjoy the dramas that are guaranteed when it comes to alcohol consumption. I don’t like the idea of working a job I don’t like to pay for nights out that I don’t want and I have next to no chance of a relationship so what really is the point of me being here? My life consists of sleeping and following a sports team that don’t even know I exist other than my name on the ticket. If I was to never go back, nobody would notice.

They say that we are “Here for a good time, not a long time” … but what happens when you don’t enjoy anything? I would much rather I wasn’t born and had to suffer this miserable existance in a world of cruelty, greed and selfishness.

We are told that depression is an illness and can be helped, but I say depression is a realisation of the world we live in and pills cloud your judgement, but as long as the pills stop people complaining then the world seems happy. Don’t tackle the issue, just hide it away and block it out.

I don’t even know why I’ve written this. Maybe because I can’t sleep and I’m trying to take my mind off ways I could kill myself that would be quick and painless but then all I feel is pain so does it really have to be painless? All I know is I won’t put up with this evil place for much longer. Everyone can all drink, spend and fuck in hell!