Finally done with a horrible relationship and most of the pain that came with it. There are days when I still can’t believe that it has happened and that I am where I am. I am jealous that he has good things and I don’t I constantly compare my life to his. He was a horrible person and yet he has managed to move on find someone who accepts him and cares about him, has good friends, everything I want. I am a better person than him I feel like I deserve those small things more than he does and it is unfair. Someone told me to stop comparing so I am going to stop now. I was sort of seeing someone and that finally ended for good now. I see how crappy of a person he really was now especially to me. Lately I just feel really alone and sad and I cry because my life is passing me by and I’m wasting it being sad. But I don’t know how to get over whatever this is, I don’t know how to let go of the fear and allow myself to truly be happy. I am afraid of dying really and truly afraid because when you die it’s something you do alone and you slip away into emptiness and nothingness. And I feel like I’m stuck in a similar place right now. I want to change I want to save myself from here but I’m struggling and the pain is consuming me.
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You’ve done the right thing alina. Sadly even letting go of a crappy relationship brings its share of pain. We have to let go of the hope we had that it would pan out for us. Facing the harsh reality is never pleasant. I too look at assholes I’ve been with who seem to have better lives and more friends than I do. They seem happy enough, they don’t constantly wish for death. Hey, that’s life y’know. The assholes prosper. Good people go to the wall. Anyway sorry I’ve no advice, just identification really.