Absolute hopelessness

So you think you have had a bad life?  Well let me give you some insight on what a bad life is…I was conceived by a teenage girl with a teenage boy, of whom she does not know who my father may be.  She had planned on having me in her bedroom closet, and then who knows what would have happened to me.

After discovering that my egg donor was pregnant, my grandparents forced her give put me up for adoption.

I cant ant say anything really terrible while I was a child, other than being molested by my “brother”.

I was a rather strong willed child, with severe anger issues, and was very defiant!  I had learning disabilities and struggled throughout school.  I did graduate by the grace of God.

I was expected to go to college, however I was not ready to deal with that stress again, so instead I met man who was everything my parents hated! A drug addict, an alcholoic, he was abusive and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for him.  I stole from my family to support his habits, I was alienated from my family and soon I was pregnant with our son.  Before he was a year old I was pregnant with our daughter and married.

After a little over 1 1/2 years he was involved with another woman, and she was pregnant. Obviously we divorced. However I was so distraught over losing him that was my attempt with suicide.

I had a mental breakdown and was completely incoherent. My mother attempted to help with no avail.

I eventually pulled myself together and moved on with my life.  Waiting for the next thing to happen.

After several attempts at relationships that did nothing but fail, I ended up in one that was better than my ex-husband at least for the first 10 years.  He ended up being completely nuts and became verbally abusive.  So we split.

I ended up with man (boy) much younger than me!  He was 26 I was 38!  He took advantage of me in every way possible!  Money mostly!  However during this relationship I developed a pretty expensive weed habit.  Unfortunately during this entire ordeal I was too consumed with this guy and my habit that I completely failed my two children.

I got out of that relationship, however the habit did not stop!  I continued to smoke.

Amyhow I ended up meeting someone new, someone different.  A breath of freah air. He showed me a different way and I quit it all. However it was too late for me and the kids!  They decided to move to their dads (the drug addict, alcoholic), because they couldn’t stand being with me anymore. I can’t blame them it was a really bad time in my life!

So the relationship with the new different, breath of fresh air guy ended because he had feelings for his soon to be ex-wife!  I was crushed yet again, and now am completely alone!

My entire family knows what happened with the kids!  I have been excommunicated from both my biological family and my adoptive family.

I have only a few friends and they are more concerned with their own lives than to try to be interested in mine.

I may be missed for a month or so but I truly believe I was a mistake to begin with and have been nothing but a disaster since.  Everyone would be better off without me.  Oh my kids haven’t seen or talked to me in over a year. Happy Mother’s Day.