I feel my end nearing

Hello everyone who’s reading and thank you for taking the time. My name Blargyness, which is obviously pen name, I’m 25 from Manila, Philippines. I’ve been suffering depression since I was 16 so give or take 9 years. When I was 16 i first committed suicide and I think I never recovered. I have a psychiatrist but lately I feel my end is nearing…
I do not have the most understanding people around me about my condition. Depression is not something really “real” here in the Philippines. Well save one person, my boyfriend. I am trying so hard not to give in. I said and promise to myself the next time I commit suicide, I will die. I feel so tried, so beaten up. Life Keats beating me down when I am just recovering. On top of my depression I have psoriasis, didnt help at all. I’m not rich, and this disease is so expensive.
People think I commited suited before because I wanted attention… I’m so scared of talking to them because I don’t want attention, I just want to talk but they get angry when I get depressed.
I am actually diagnosed with clinical depression. I found this site and led me to this site. I feel so hopeless. I do not care where my encouragement comes anymore. You maybe a stranger but at least you are reading, in some way you care…
Right now I do know the weight of my problems and pain is completely outweighing my resource…
I don’t know how the hell I’m going to end this, but thank you, thank you, because you read my post…