About two years ago I started down the path to a really horrible place. I had developed a pretty serious eating disorder, I was harming myself, and worst of all I’d almost completely stopped sleeping. I became extremely unmotivated and generally didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t find a meaning to life, I saw no purpose to even existing because nothing I did ever made me happy. I tried so hard to be happy but nothing could change the horrible feelings inside of me. About 8 months ago things started to get better, I was actually doing really well and I felt like a real person again. I don’t know exactly why but everything just started to get better. The problem is the last two weeks have been much worse than anything that happened to me before. Everything I’ve worked so hard to fix has completely fallen apart all over again. I’m so tired and honestly I can’t find a reason to keep going at this point. I’ve stopped eating but this time it’s different because I’m not going hungry, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bring myself to do anything. I don’t even want to bathe anymore I just want to sleep. I just want to go to sleep but I can’t. I can’t fall asleep no matter what I do. I took an entire bottle of sleeping medication in three days and in those three days combined I slept for a little over six hours. I don’t want to keep going like this. I will never be anything other than the useless nothing I am today. I just want everything to go away because everything that’s going on in my head is keeping me up at night. I’m so tired.
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Hint :
* Jesus can save you.
* I love you.
* Please eat properly.
* and drink too.
* Hang in there.
* A little step maybe a start for a great journey.
mwahmwah xoxo
Really?
Sorry you’re going through this.
The nice thing is, you got better once before. I’m guessing that back when things were bad, you thought they would never change. But they did. And now you’re thinking that they will never change…
I know this argument sounds flat when you’re in the thick of depression. I’ve been there, several times – you intellectually know it’s true, but the weight is so heavy that you can’t imagine ever shrugging it off. But sometimes – often – the weight gets less over time. You figure things out. You come to decisions. You increase your coping skills. And you move forward.
And yes, sometimes you backslide and lose ground. But maybe you learn a little bit more about this demon of depression, and how to fight it. It’s painfully slow education sometimes, and hard-fought. But I sense that you still have fight within you, even if you don’t see it right now.
Just remember: when you’re depressed, the littlest victories are *huge* victories.
I’ll be sending you good energy tonight.
You should read up on Borderline Personality Disorder. Watch the documentary on youtube called “Back From The Edge” and search “Marsha Linehan”. There are some great resources and tools out there for people with this condition. It used to be that people and therapists thought it was a hopeless condition, but Marsha Linehan made gigantic breakthroughs in developing tools and treatments for those who suffer from this mental illness. The symptoms/conditions you describe having are not your fault. You are worthy. There is help out there. Please do some research. You are in my thoughts. May the universe bless you and bring you peace.
How are you, Imsotired? Yuma gave great advice. Did you follow through with the suggestions?