What do you do when you’ve been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder? How would you feel when a group of professionals call your behaviour attention-seeking?
Well let me tell you. First of all you begin to dissect every single aspect of your life. That comment you just made to your friend – was that just an attempt to steer the conversation towards you? The anger you felt when your friend turned up fifteen minutes late. Was that because of a deep insecurity about your own importance in the world? Do you believe that time itself should stop for you? Those conversations you have had with mental health professionals in the past; have they all been a fluke? Have those staff members then sat behind hidden doors, lying upon their armchairs and chuckling about your pleas for attention? Is the fact that you are even thinking about such things reflect your own self-absorbed mind? Do you glance into mirrors at every corner of your life, so that all you can see is a reflection of your own insecurities? Does the outside world even exist in your life?
And then you begin to look internally. Why are you so self-obsessed with yourself? What underlies this attention-seeking behaviour? Is it a need for intimacy? Perhaps your internal life is so inadequate, that the only option is to create a persona that is larger than life. Think back to everything you have done. You have been living in a self-obsessed world. It has all been me, me, me.
And then this label begins to consume you. Are you even ill? Maybe you are just a bad person. Maybe this is just another way to tell you you are annoying. This explains so much about your life. About your relationships. Why you can no longer hold down a friendship. How many people out there must despise you. How many times have you taken control over relationships, forcing yourself into other people’s lives. What makes you think you are more than a speck of dust in other people’s existence?
Does this make you a bad person? Is there treatment for such a disease? How do you stop being so self-consuming? How do you begin to pick apart your inadequacies, when these are the very pillars upon which your self-esteem stands. One swipe and everything will fall apart, revealing the scared little girl who lies beneath the diagnosis.
Who do you turn to next, without further conforming to this label? How do you seek help for something that is so internal?
Perhaps it is best to just lie within your own self-absorbed mind, the real world flying past you while you play God within your fantasy world.
11 comments
Never been diagnosed with this myself but recognise some of the traits in your description. It’s a nasty label to have to carry because of the reasons you say. Maybe you can dispute it or get a second opinion. These labels are often so arbitrary. You are you at the end of the day.
So, let me tell you first of all. I’m not a psychiatrist or in that profession at all, but I have run into my share of narcissists. The first thing is they never would even consider that there’s anything wrong with themselves. They are consumed with themselves and not a thing they do or say is wrong or hurtful in any way. They can’t see beyond their own reflection.
The fact that you’ve even considered that the “professionals” diagnosed you with narcissism are correct and you’re looking at your actions, words, friendships and thinking there might be something to change speaks so loudly that you’re NOT a narcissist.
You might want to google narcissism and read about it before accepting those who label you.
Also…check out Byron Katies, The Work and do a worksheet. Take you 15 minutes and it’ll blow your mind. http://thework(dot)com/do-work There’s some videos to see how other’s do the worksheet.
I put in (dot) between ‘work’ and ‘com’ because sometimes this site won’t allow a website to be inserted.
Whether you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or not, it is always beneficial to self-introspect. “Why do I act, speak, or think this way?” This will help you have greater control over your actions in the future. You can also watch for how people react around you and adjust yourself accordingly. You know… “If I say this I’m guaranteed to start an argument with this person. Do I want an argument right now?” If not you can try to avoid it and be more diplomatic.
That’s what labels are for – to help us understand more about ourselves, which should lead to correcting our imperfect behavior. Even if one hasn’t received a diagnosis, there is ALWAYS room for self-improvement. Remember: your thoughts, words, and actions are always within your control. Doesn’t matter what kind of psychiatric disorder you may or may not have – you still have free will and the ability to reflect on your own mind, and how you affect others.
Everyone lives inside their head to an extent. Real maturity starts by recognizing the power we have on those around us. No human is an island (unless they live completely alone and speak to no one). Do we want to use this power for the greater good, especially now that we’ve realized the way we act with others only reflects the way we feel about ourselves? Why not strive to bring joy and peace instead of causing drama and stress. In the end everyone will benefit, oneself included. It would probably help one’s insecurity and self-esteem issues as well.
Sometimes you need to learn to go with the flow instead of trying to control interpersonal situations, and allow “whatever will be, will be.” It’s better than saying or doing something that sabotages your relationships with others for no good reason, other than the fact that you’re scared and insecure.
I quite enjoyed this @Opacity
I might be wrong here, but a diagnosed narcissist wouldn’t even care to look into his behaviors and would place all blame on others (at least, on most cases i’ve seen/known/heard of). Many of the things you mention sound like normal as well… i mean, anyone gets upset when they have to wait for someone (time is valuable!), and at one point or another everyone creates this “larger than life persona” to cope with life and its circumstances.
I mean, just look around you. In the current state the world is, most people could be labeled as narcissists, and most don’t even get to he level of insight that you show on your post. I remember someone calling it the “entitled generation”, as in: everyone thinks they deserve everything just for existing. In that sense, if you can rationalize and control your narcissistic “tendencies” (don’t know how else to call it) you could use them as a tool. In the state society is, i can’t really see it as a bad thing if you keep it at bay.
I agree. MoreyPiya wouldn’t even consider her/himself a narcissist if he/she was one. Those ‘types’ just can’t see themselves or their actions as anything but perfect…like the reflection they see in the pond.
Or you could realize the truth: you, and those other people who are not you, in the eyes of a third individual, are both in the same category – you are those other people who the other guy sees as not-him. And to him, you’re just as important as all the others are to you. “What makes you think you are more than a speck of dust in other people’s existence?” As you put it. But why would that be a bad thing? Those other people are nothing more than a speck of dust to your existence, after all, and nobody’s pining over that fact. But the reality of it all is a weird thing. Rather than conforming to labels or subconsciously directing yourself towards validating them, just accept that you’re like everyone else, and everyone else is like you, and try making peace with it. See yourself in other people rather than seeing labels in yourself.
@Randall and MF: Narcissists have a kind of emerging tendency to glorify the fact that they’re narcissists, when they discover it through a clinical channel. It goes from denial, to self-obsessed paranoia, to a kind of celebratory acceptance of it. I guess rationalizing it as a good thing is a subconscious defense mechanism or something. But it’s stupidly complicated and has many different presentations including the scenario you both pointed to.
I get what you’re saying, and that’s why i said most cases. Most narcissists would go through life and never realize they are one, or just don’t care at all and as you say celebrate it (after going through the process you describe), but some do try to control it to a certain extent when they notice it.
As i said i don’t see it as a bad thing when i rationalize it from a non-narcissist pov (i’ve shared some years with people who were diagnosed tho), but that’s in a really optimistic scenario (which i guess rarely happens). As you say, it depends on a specific set of circumstances that varies from person to person, but if we go by that, the ops current attitude might perfectly be a kind of self-obsessed paranoia. Guess only time will tell.
Yeah, I agree with Randall and others on this thread who have said that you would not be thinking this way if you were one. I have a Grandma (I happen to live with right now…..) who has never been diagnosed “Narcisstic” but it is an unspoken understanding that you get………..and this only takes a single conversation with her. She of course, thinks everyone else is the problem. lol And she tells me on occassion she is perfect. lol And to make matters worse, she is very religious and that plays a role in her insistance that “Be ye perfect, even as I am perfect” is meant just for her and she is the only one living up to such a standard. Lol Of course, I know what it means. But do you think I am ever right about anything?????
But yeah, you seem to have some introspection. Narcissitic people feel no need for such things. They know everything and will try all day long to change you, but you bring the wrath down on yourself to mention they may have anything to change or you know more about a thing than they do. Bascially, they have been through everything and at the worst possible condition, they know it all, they are to be always listened to and obeyed, don’t you dare change the conversation to something not about them as they will be sure to do everything they can to bring it back around to them again, in short perfection is all they see when they look in a mirror. And no matter what those of us may see, they are totally oblvious to it. My Grandma literally will start a conversation or make a comment and if I disagree and she sees somehow I was right, she twists her words around to where she said the same thing but I just “misunderstood” her and that she “told me that before and I just don’t remember,” etc. I think it is sad to be honest that people are like that. But then 26 years have come and gone and I am still agrivated with it but I do know and am trying to accept that is who she is and she is in her late 70’s…………..likely she will never change.
However, you sound like a really nice person I think. Get that 2nd opinion ok?? I have also had therapists (actually my current one mostly interestingly enough….) tell me I am attention seeking about my self harm. Of all people to say something like that to us you would think they wouldn’t right?? Well, I thought so. We know there are good ones and bad ones and a good match isn’t as easy as some think. BUT keep trying to improve yourself, ask the hard questions, go for the things you want in life!!!!! I believe in you!!!!!! Talk to you later!!!!!! 🙂