Why is it that everyday for the last 17 months I have prayed that I will die in my sleep? Why do I hope that I would get cancer and pass quickly? Die in a single car accident? I would have been long gone by now if I wasn’t such a coward. I am sick of hearing that it will get better. Its been 17 months already and I am too tired to keep up the fight. The pain only gets worse with each passing day. I have spoke with counselors at the VA and that hasn’t helped. Zoloft hasn’t helped. I have spent countless hours researching different ways to die and had decided it would be via carbon monoxide until I found out that its almost impossible with newer cars. Now I am leaning toward OD on my BP meds. I have lived 42 years and have been at the top of the world and now I can’t get back out of this deep, dark hole I am in. I look forward to being pain free again. I am scared but ready to go………..