Why is it that everyday for the last 17 months I have prayed that I will die in my sleep? Why do I hope that I would get cancer and pass quickly? Die in a single car accident? I would have been long gone by now if I wasn’t such a coward. I am sick of hearing that it will get better. Its been 17 months already and I am too tired to keep up the fight. The pain only gets worse with each passing day. I have spoke with counselors at the VA and that hasn’t helped. Zoloft hasn’t helped. I have spent countless hours researching different ways to die and had decided it would be via carbon monoxide until I found out that its almost impossible with newer cars. Now I am leaning toward OD on my BP meds. I have lived 42 years and have been at the top of the world and now I can’t get back out of this deep, dark hole I am in. I look forward to being pain free again. I am scared but ready to go………..
2 comments
We seem to have a lot in common. I will turn 42 in a month, if I’m unsuccessful in my quest to end it all. I was near the top of the world. Now I’m nothing. There is nothing in this world to keep me living anymore. Everyone I truly loved has abandoned me and erased me.
Btw, ODing on BP meds is practically impossible. I even looked into a combo of BP meds and diabetes meds. Only one reported case of someone being successful and it took him over two days to die. And it was very painful.
Killing yourself seems to be the hardest thing you can do. And some idiots have been calling it the “easy” way out. What morons.
Sounds like we are a lot alike. I was at the top of my game as well until a few years ago. Now unemployed, nasty divorce, bankrupt, away from my children, etc. I have thought of many ways to go but can’t seem to actually do it. I’ve convinced myself I am doing it but I am still here. Fingers crossed tonight is my last sleep.