Why am I here

It’s funny the things that push you to the edge. I write on here just in case I have the strength to leave for good and someone will find this to get answers on why I would have done what I did. I haven’t felt the need to leave in a long time. I thought I was doing so good. Things were looking up. Just slightly. At least enough for me to only contemplate it once in awhile. Have you guys ever read Thirteen Reasons Why? I read it way too much. I get lost into it. I get lost on the idea of leaving behind something for the people that would affect why I would have done. I would want people to have the answers. I think to myself, “why am I such a disappointment to others?” Everyone in my life looks at me like I’m such a failure. They pity me. I feel useless cause I have nothing to offer. Every time I try to do something right, it falls apart. This time is different. so many times I’ve said I’ve given up and this is the only time I really have meant it. I’m letting everyone go. I’m so sorry I’m so weak. I feel hopeless. And it’s overwhelming me. guess that’s all.