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by 3rdxcancergirl
written by 3rdxcancergirl

Hi,
This year I was diagnosed with Renal cancer for the 3rd time.In 2005 I lost my left kidney to it.2nd time it showed up in my right kidney and got a botched surgery to remove the tumor. Only thing is this time (the 3rd) it’s spread throughout my body. I will not die of it. I am a nurse and have watched too many people die of this horrid disease and I refuse to let it take me.I do not want my families last memory of me to be that of me lying in a hospital bed,wracked with pain,on so much Morphine I don’t even know I’m alive,while wasting away slowly. I am currently being treated at a very large facility and there is hope for a full cure. But,I have already told my family that if this goes “GLOBAL”(is not cured or gets even worse with no hope of a decent normal life with ultimate death) then I will be taking care of business myself before that happens. They understand.I am writing this not because I’m suicidal,but because I want to live.I have hope,and that is sometimes a bad thing with stuff like this,(seriously… 3 times? Come on!).I am considering ********. I have anti- emetic drugs to use with it but I am having a hard time finding the stuff (just in case I need it). Any help would be appreciated!

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8 comments

Nihilism000 6/8/2015 - 11:21 am

I don’t what to say, just keep fighting it. With every ounce of your breath. I hope everything goes well, I really do. Some of us on here will give moral support of you need it.
Wishing you love and hope.

jaide 6/8/2015 - 9:03 pm

Sadly, unless you live in one of the very few states that allow you to be prescribed ********, you don’t have any say in the matter. These laws need to change. Our corrupt government gets to decide how much pain and suffering we must endure?! This is insane. I’m sending you all the healing light possible. You have a very good attitude and it helps a lot. ?

3rdxcancergirl 6/9/2015 - 8:30 am

Thanks for your kind words..yes it’s true I think the government has way too much control over us. There have been people in my state (Montana) who have successfully done what I’m thinking through a doctor,but I don’t believe its legal here unless you go through a court.Oregon has a law making it legal and a gal just recently with terminal brain cancer did it recently,funny,I’ve always wanted to live there on the coast.Maybe it’s a sign? LOL..I have to have a positive attitude,after 3 times ya just say WTF? What I always say when someone tells me that is “If I don’t laugh I’ll cry”. I’ve cried enough for 300 people,so I laugh. Thank you again and best wishes to you all. <3

jaide 6/9/2015 - 10:47 pm

I left you a message.. didn’t see the reply button.
Hugz

jaide 6/9/2015 - 10:52 pm

I left you a message.. didn’t see the reply button.
Hugz
Double checked.. totally legal ‘ Aid In Dying !’
Consider yourself a little bit fortunate <3

jaide 6/9/2015 - 10:45 pm

I believe Montana IS A LEGAL state !! Google Dr’s and ‘Aid in Dying’. Once you get the prescription, you usually need to wait 15 days to fill it. Another Dr. will have to agree you have a terminal illness with less than 6 months to live (I think they tweak the prognosis a bit) GET IT ASAP… you have NO IDEA THE PEACE OF MIND most people get, once they have the bottle and the ultimate control. You might want to Google Compassionate Choices and perhaps they can recommend a kind Dr. I would get it just in case.
Much love my friend ….

cephalus 6/10/2015 - 12:26 am

Good for you 3rdx. I have a few doctors in my circle that think oncologists are the devil incarnate. Preying on hope while they suck you and everyone you love’s bank account dry. Meanwhile, you sit in the hospital barely able to sit up in bed, let alone have any dignity should you be able to not have a catheter/colostomy bag. The treatment is at least 1,000X over priced. And often leaves you worse than if you had lived with the cancer in the first place. (Don’t even get me started on random growths and how surgeons are trigger happy monkeys. The usual platitude is “well, we can’t say for certain unless we get in there… but you don’t want to die. Right?)

Fight the good fight, hope your cancer doesn’t drag down the ones you love.

I’m rooting for ya, hope it goes into remission.

Keep your stick on the ice.

P.S. Fuck cancer.

AleksiK18 6/14/2015 - 2:09 am

Hey! I would seriously want to talk to you 3rdxcancergirl Please contact me at Tonikuusela@outlook.com I think i can help you!

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