But it’s the only place I can say what’s really on my mind.
I’ve lost so much.. more like thrown my life away.
Giving myself fake reasons to keep going. Faking every step forward, but what I’ve really been doing is setting myself up to end my life. Subconsciously tying loose ends so that I may relieve myself from this pain. So that there’s nothing left to hold on to.
I use to come here at a time when I should have been happy..but the fact is that I came here cause I’m most certainly not happy. Things have only gotten worse, and now I try to see into the future and I only see what I’ve seen for so long..what I’ve tried to ignore. My life won’t hold out forever. Sooner than never, it will reach its end. I’m gonna die poor and alone and with nothing accomplished.
I’ve tried to live free.. but i am not free
There is no struggle but that which I put myself through. I fight a battle that involves no one but myself. I have only shame in my heart and embarrassment to be alive, taking for granted every last precious resource.
I would say that I can’t get back to a better mind frame..that I can’t get back to a better life.. but the truth is there’s nothing to go back to
There is just nothing to go back to and nothing to move on to
There’s nothing there