It always makes me believe there’s a chance things can work out but I know that’s not true. I get this sudden urge to do things but never really make due. Plan to go out or be sociable but those plans fail and I’m back at square one. Such a false sense of joy because in a few hours or a day and it’ll be gone, just like that. No explanation, no deal I can make to get it back…it does what it wants. It wants to toy with me and it just hurts all too much. If I’m to be miserable why taunt me, sometimes the mind has a messed up sense of playing around.
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I can relate to this so much. I’ve been dealing with the same thought process as well. When you said: “If I’m to be miserable why taunt me, sometimes the mind has a messed up sense of playing around.” That’s the truth right there. I could just hope a pill would level me out, but it never does.
I can only hope that the joy will one day stay and never leave. I’m sorry you are hurting.