Yesterday I went to go talk to a Adult Nurse Practitioner at the mental health clinic I go to, and she asked me all the same questions as the Counselor and the guy who gave me the mental evaluation did. After talking to her for 2 hours. She told me that I had Major Depression and an Anxiety Disorder. She told me the reason I can’t sleep, and do drugs, and cut myself, all stems from the depression. She told me that she wanted me to continue to go to group, talk to the Psychologist they have there, and she wants to give me medication to help with the depression…
When I got home, I just sat on the floor and just was thinking. I don’t know if I want to take medication, I’m not a weak person (no offense to anyone who takes medication for depression) but the way I was raised, you keep what’s going on inside a secret and asking for help shows that you’re weak… I’ve felt this sadness for so long, I don’t know what happiness feels like and honestly it kind of scares me.
Any advice, suggestion, comments? I feel really lost and alone right now, more than I usually do…
3 comments
Imagine that the depression is cancer – an illness which devours your body. If you had cancer and were about to die, would you take a medicine? It’s the way you should think of it; there’s a chemical imbalance in your brain (you don’t have enough hormone called “the hormone of happiness”) and it will be very difficult to repair it. If you try that medicine, you may get very good results. Though, you won’t achieve the full result with the medicine only. You should try therapy, too.
I may summarize my story for you, and maybe you will understand why it is that the faster you will get help the less possible it is that you will get worse… I was ignored by my mum and for three or more years I was developing something called depersonalization and derealization. It got worse and I started to be kicked to another dimensions and I had lacks in memory. I was ignored by doctors and my parents, and my depression got so bad that I attempted suicide and as the result of my action I was admitted to the psych ward. Only after that they started treating me seriously. They – my parents. Don’t go this way!
PS. I would give you a piece of advice – do an MRI scan. They found out a polyp in my nasal sinuses that is pressing on my brain and probably causing my depression.
The nurse probably explained this to you when she gave you the diagnosis, but just in case:
Getting a depression has nothing to do with being weak. It’s a chemical imbalance in your brain, and it can happen to pretty much anyone.
And you’re fooling no one but yourself by pretending you’re not weak. I’ve never seen anyone suffering from a depression who wasn’t weak and pathetic, because that’s what it does to you. It completely drains you, and it will continue to do so as long as you let it. It’s not something you can just will away. You need help, whether you want to admit it or not, and help is being offered to you. You’d be a fool to decline it.
Additionally, strongly consider accepting the psychiatric help. Your depression could stem from lacking a proper diagnosis of any mental disorders you may be suffering from. It’s not uncommon for someone who has an undiagnosed mental disorder to become depressed from not being able to keep up with society’s expectations of them.
At the end of the day though, recovery is gonna be tough, and it’s not gonna happen overnight.
But it’s worth it. You will be as happy and capable as you once were.
Sometimes we learn coping methods that help us get through bad times. Keeping it all inside so others won’t know how you feel protected you in your family, where it was not healthy to share. It was actually destructive to talk because those around had their own stuff going on and may not have been able to be there for you and would react negatively. So, now that advice- keep it inside of you can cause you stress, anxiety and depression.
Finding a counselor to open up to, listen to you. Yes, medicine can help you during this stressful time of starting to heal. Medicine doesn’t mean for sure you have to take it forever. Cross that bridge later. Right now it can help you cope better. Full disclosure- I am not on medicine. I have had depression for over 20 years. I felt by the time I was offered medicine it could cause me problems- right or wrong… I felt I had issues that medicine could not help yet it has been a long haul.
So, maybe I’m saying, dohttp://suicideproject.org/wp-login.php?action=logout&redirect_to=http%3A%2F%2Fsuicideproject.org%2F2015%2F06%2Fthey-told-me-i-have-major-depression%2F&_wpnonce=86cc714b1fn’t do it like me. It’s taken a long time for me to get to a better place. I don’t know if I’d had it when I was young if it’d have helped. I know I was alone and I didn’t trust anyone. So, not trusting meds went along with that. I didn’t even have a counselor that I felt listened to me.
I am glad you are getting help. Talk to your counselor about your reservations about medicine. Talk it out to discover if you want to try it. Talk to her/him about alternatives- learning how to deescalating stress- deep breathing, yoga, exercise. Be open about medicine and talk to the counselor about how to tell if they help (if you do try).
Again, I am so glad you are getting support of a counselor. This is a good step. Best wishes to you! 🙂