Ugh..where to start lol obviously the biggining I was raised by my grandma until age13 when I moved in with my mom for first time it was strange I had grown up with no power or running water on a farm an town life was totally new to me I quickly took up smoking pot for a few years but by age 15 I had moved to BC again to quesnel and by 17 had tried cocaine eventually my girl got pregnant and my mom during that time had a rough spot I. Her relationship and tried to overdose after she was released from quest floor at hospital she asked me to move back to fox Vegas in Alberta aka fox creek upon return to fox I quikly became an avid user of cocaine once I seen the lifestyle of a dealer I wanted it ..lots of cash plenty dope and a wild life ..perfect for drowning out my depression I had been trying to find the right girl ever since me and my sons mother split I was alone for 3 years before I even slept with someone she ended up being a girl I had a huge thing for by than I was 20 and she was 25 super gorgeous tattoos and piercings her own son and little dogs I had a pom shitzu pug mix an we started hanging out a lot and eventually sleeping together by this time I was a full blown crackhead smoking ten grams a day roughly and she wanted me out so she left her bf and job and paid for us to start our new life in Drayton valley upon arrival things where stressful and we fought a lot life was hard work was hard to find and I had no way of selling dope again long story short we fought one night And I went to jail for breeches being drunk and out past curfew so off to jail I go it took me about ten days to get my 300$ bail and I was released Christmas night at 8 pmas soon as I was out we began to talk way more she was back in fox an I stuck in e tow. She said we could do lon distance till I got a place in white court for both of us it took time and effort flbut eventually I got both a place and a job and during that time her feelings changed last minute she said she needed to find herself and we broke up by than I had worked just over a month and slipped back into pint (meth) just one night but it was enough for her to call our break A split up so I ended up pinting up more often an soon after lost my job and my place to stay so back to fox I went an jumped back into the dealing life emwdietly we started fighting over my dog bagheera and eventually stopped talking but I got the dog a while later I found out she WS with my ex best friend but a few months later he was arrested and is in jail as I write this by now she randmomly begins talking to me again and I fall for it ..now she wants to be friends but she doesn’t love me like she used to so I started hanging and found out she now too did meth a drug she hated and left me for doing so I figured it would be fun and started getting false hopes of getrin her back now I’m a full blown meth head I can’t go without it its been almost 2 weeks of every day going hard bright side no longer hooked on coke or crack but now pint I cried last night while smoking the pipe in front of her I have been deeply depressed for years now and she had come rescued me than left me and now I hate my life so much I can’t make her love me again but I can’t make myself stop loving her either I was looking on Google early this morning when I ran out of meth trying to find out how many serequil to overdose cause I have four I found out its not gunna do the trick I ended up stumbling onto this website I’m sitting here now at her house while she is sleeping I’m at end of bed she said let her sleep a half hour an than she will wale up it sucks we spend every day all day together and do everything for each other as if we where together but we are not I haven’t slept with her since December 15 roughly but I miss lying with her so badly I can’t deal with the pain of not having her back I need her in my life and I crave her love yet nothing I do is enough to get it basically I’m hoping this site helps me not do myself in I’m finally off my conditions after 18 months and life is supposed to be better but I almost want to go back to jail to avoid this pain but I still hang in barely I lost my dog bagheera last jail visit Edmonton humane adopted her out to new home wouldn’t say where she was my best friend for 3 years so now no dog no girl my son is with his mom in BC and I just get high off whatever is there except coke or crack only meth weed and that’s it I think but ya I dunno I would have made this better and more detailed but this is crazy lo g anyway jist of it is I hate life with a passion I hate myself for living someone who doesn’t love me back yet I can’t stop and I feel like she does still hold so.e feelings or she wouldn’t be so close to me all the time but she won’t sleep with me and won’t leave her man while he is in jail so ya any comments are appreciated I need more pint so who knows if I’ll be onli e later or not but I could use advice with getting over so.done you truly 100% love and getting off meth I basicaly cried and broke down while smoking my last stuff thismorning I dunno what to do now should I sell my Oakley’s and chain …obviously not so that means iv got a tiny bit of co trol still over meth but not really much I hope I can win her live and effection back asap but don’t wanna fuc things up so its slow and painful I do t understand when feelinga sufdenly change move lol
I got shit to d though asap so hit me up lol wouldn’t mind talking to other people feeling this way just wanna have so.eo e but not just anyone need her specifically otherwise I feel so empty and unhappy bleh fuck my life I’m so frustrated I wish I could stop my feelu GS and but I guess it is what it is and if it wasn’t it wouldn’t be