It takes 3 days for this to take effect. Heh, fooled them into thinking I actually ate today.
I’m done with what they’re saying. They never wished they had me? Well good, I never wanted them as pathetic emotionally abusive parents either.
So I’m doing both of us a huge favor.
Funny thing, both of them were attacking me today. They wanted to push me into action so I can finally take the exam? Even if I do pass (with my critically low ‘danger of failing’ score on the exit hesi) and get a job as a nurse, I don’t truly care about people, since why the hell should I when I’ve been emotionally beaten by my own parents as a kid? I don’t trust anyone. I despise being touched, by anyone. I don’t even want anyone to remember my birthday, because that is how pointless I see my life and living.
Now later, when they notice I didn’t eat, the dumbass emotionally stunted man blew off again, causing an arguement between him and that *****. Heh. I no longer give a shit if my parents are fighting. Better they chew each other out and emotionally abuse each other than me. I’ve already decided this a long time ago. Today is the push that I needed, courtesy of them. They unknowingly got the ball rolling, that’s all.
But see, the funny thing is, the same ***** who joined in on the tirade earlier now decides to play ‘saint good mom’ and coax me to eat. I went through the motions, sat there long enough, moved the food around, made some sounds with the forks and spoons, and then when they moved on, I dumped the rice back in the cooker and put the food back in the fridge.
Now let’s see if they’re smart enough to put 2 and 2 together.
I mean, even if I don’t die, if I do this repeatedly enough, it will surely shorten my life span. Either way, my purpose is achieved.
5 comments
Keep sitting the exam until you pass. Then you can get a job and move out from your abusive parents.
If only things work like that. There’s no guarantee I’ll find a job IF I pass. Nursing has never been a passion or an interest. I faked it for 3 years, it was either that or be a doctor. I’d figure I’d pick my poison.
It’s too late. Even if I find a job, with how fucked up my personality is, I doubt I’ll keep it for long. I’m a drifter. I’m depressed and anxious, and I don’t give a shit if anyone is concerned for my wellbeing, because if I did, I sure wouldn’t be here by now.
I totally know life doesn’t work that way, only for the less tormented of souls it works. So good luck.
I could go on a long tangent about this content, but I don’t feel that would help you, but then again, I’m not sure what would “help” anyone here, haha. So, whatever I say, I have NO ill intent on you, because you are a complete stranger to me, having never affected my personal life outside this website in any way whatsoever, so I have no reason to personify my negative emotions unto you.
Now…you don’t necessarily need to “trust” or “care” about anyone. These are common blanket terms society drives in to the ground (at least in my perspective). I still use these words too, but that doesn’t matter. You say you don’t “care” about anyone? I’m not calling you out because I’m not you, but you “cared” enough to reply to one of schizophrenia 222’s comments, no? You don’t have to “care” per say. Maybe you were interested. Maybe you wished to clarify some things to them. That’s all right. Point is you provided a response.
On the subject with your parents. Again, I’m not you, or them, so I would not be able to provide honest obversation without experiencing a day in your life there too. I could only assume. But there’s nothing wrong with assumptions. Maybe assumptions are a way people try to help one another. If I cut myself and I didn’t say why, someone who “cared” might assume why to get to the bottom of it. And even if they didn’t “care,” at least they provided me with attention in some form, right? “Care” morphs with each individual’s perspective. May I ask you what your personal definition for “care” is? What is it you look for? Are you looking for someone to “care” in x, y, or z way? By the way, if you found a temporary way to take some emotional baggage off of yourself via your parents fighting each other, then by all means continue to do that. Perhaps it could help them see things from a different perspective. Perhaps not. I don’t know.
I could also assume what type of response you would provide too, if any. Or maybe you’d read this and not reply, or ignore it altogether. Whichever is alright. IF you have read my nonsense so far, you MIGHT see me as a bother, a know-it-all or something else, and truthfully I do feel like one typing all this, but I’m not. At least I don’t think I am. I cannot help what others judge on me. I do however TRY to help people see things from a different perspective. It doesn’t always work, and it more often than not alienates others from talking to me.
I don’t enjoy “elevator talk,” as I call it. I enjoy stimulation from my talks with others. That’s just me. Maybe you will find something that works for you. Honestly I am looking forward to seeing more posts from you in the future, pending you choose to stay on SP.
Whatever you decide to do is… exactly that… your decision.
But I’m one person who cares, I know how shitty parents can be, my dad just flew off the handle tonight because I only have to go back to my hospitality course 1-2 days a week next term, the usual ‘lazy ass’, ‘waste of space’, ‘you better not be fucking with me’, etc.
As for other people, keep the door to your heart open, but keep your guns cocked.
If you want to talk to someone… at all… *slowly raises hand*