Hi everyone, it’s been a while now since I’ve been checking this site and it’s my first post.
Im a 37 yrs old man from Lebanon (Middle East) and have been suicidal for about three months now. I’ve never opened up to anyone about this. I’m facing collosal monsters (dept, family and work problems)… recently realized that I’m clinically depressed (wasn’t diagnosed though) and that I pushed away every single human being in my life.
I’m sinking into this downward spiral no matter how hard I try to escape it. Really fucking tired of this shit called life and I don’t know if I have the balls to do it when shove comes to push.
Thank you if you bothered reading
3 comments
Hi, I’m also 37. I’ve been suicidal all my life but only in the past year and a half have truly had a reason, and more so in th e last few months. I lost everything. My family, my home, my beloved pets, became homeless. I worked really hard and got two jobs where I’m respected. But I’m still homeless, can’t find any housing situation or assistance because I’m too old and I’m the wrong kind of trans and I’m too ugly for anyone to even take me as a roommate. My health suffers because I need sleep and rest to keep the swelling in my legs down. But I don’t get to sleep or lie down being homeless. It’s even worse because I love someone who won’t be mine and doesn’t seem to acknowledge that I love him. He sticks with the no one will ever love me story when here I am, wanting him for a lifetime. I’ve never had a real relationship and I’ve never felt loved. I see no point in this life and I really can’t take it anymore.
I’m so sorry to hear that your life sucks at this time too… I hug you
Hello and welcome. Sorry to hear of your troubles, first question, are you still in Lebanon? I can relate to the ever downward spiral our lives sometimes take. Whether or not you can or actually “do the deed”, sometimes, just making the preparations and knowing you have the option available and ready to go can offer great comfort and security in knowing that, in the end you STILL control your ultimate destiny. In the mean time, while you plan and prepare for your “exit”, perhaps you can explore ways to reach out to those who you pushed away and extend an olive branch to see if you can make reparations and build new bridges between friends/family.
I agree, life, in general is shit. And I honestly struggle to wrap my head around all the turmoil and difficulties that I can only imagine come from living in the middle east. I am largely ignorant of the conditions and culture that surrounds you – assuming that is where you still are. Best I can offer for advice is to try and carve out a safe secure and stable place for yourself (and family – if this applies), then, instead of focusing on the seemingly insurmountable totality of your situation – break it down into small manageable parts and methodically tend to each issue in relative order of importance and urgency. Some things might be easily addressed and can be handled with relative ease with minimal effort and resources, see if you can clear a few of these off your plate to give yourself some breathing space and room to focus on the larger issues. But take one or two at a time.
Best of luck – I wish you well in whatever you choose.
international dawg