Sometimes I always go into deep thought about my life. Sometimes I feel like i have good days. But then at night i just think. Like, why should i live if i know people dont want me around? Why should i have to live, constantly feeling like people hate me for no reason? Why should I live, knowing there’s no reason to? My mom doesn’t know that i feel this way. But if i try telling her she’ll say im stupid . My guess is that she just doesn’t want to believe that i could feel this way.
My mom is a nurse and she so happens to work in the psych ward of her hospital. She she pretty much sees suicidal people everyday. I ask her for a therapist, but she doesnt want to get me one because she thinks that she can solve all my problems.
Sometimes when I’m in my room, shell knock on my door and open it to check up on me. I ALWAYS think, what if one day, she opens the door, to find me on the floor covered in my blood.
4 comments
No offense, but your mom is being stupid for thinking that life is worth it. People like us are smarter than the rest of the pack. We realize that life is meaningless, we understand that there is no God and that man invented him to try to give meaning were it doesn’t exist. We understand that not being born, or being aborted would have been the better alternative. We would not know the stars are out tonight, but would we suffer?
I dated a psyche ward nurse before. She was a mean ***** who needed to be locked up herself. This was in 2007. She would also joke about people in the psyche ward who were mentally ill. I’m sure they all do.
I know more about fucking psychology and reality than probably about 95% of the dumbfuck population. I understand enough to not be in denial of the human condition and what’s at stake. I don’t have a Postive Brain Bias that is suppose to be embedded within “all” of our brain chemistry. Plus I studied psychology all by myself for years. Reading up on it as well as my own observational talents.
You got people who work in a psychiatric field who fucking believe in God ffs! A mythogical creature that is no more absurd than the Easter bunny or Santa. I read the bible, and compared it to the criteria for Anti Social Personality Disorder….DING DING DING WE HAVE A MATCH! if God was real, his “love” would be more in like with a Hitler figure than God. Shows you how predatorial humans are since God is made in our image, not the other way around.
Look in the mirror girl (or boy if I’m mistaken). What do you see in front of your face? You see two eyes right? There not on the side, but in front. This is a evolutionary genetic trait that divides us into a class of predatorial animals. Species with there eyes on the side are non predatorial. My point is, people’s rules, gods, desires are mainly predatorial even if it doesn’t seem to be. For example: a dying man wants euthanasia and the courts says no – that is being controlling and predatorial. And if he decides to kill himself and is caught in the act, he will be FORCED AGAINST HIS WILL by a predatorial pack of wolves called humans into the psyche ward. There, this man will be institutionalize and controlled by people who cannot possibly form any real connections with you. They make money that’s all that matters to them. That is what I call Subconscious Covert Predatorial Behavior. The word I made up to describe this phenomenon.
And yes I use the word fuck, shit, God damnit and other “profanities” when I speak. You know why? Because people invent in there own heads what is wrong and what is not. A word in of itself has no good or evil to it unless it’s to insult someone. When the French speaking Normans invaded Britian in 1066, there form of French mixed with the Germanic Anglo-Saxon language on the continent (that eventually turned into English). Words like shit and fuck originated from the Germanic Anglo Saxon language and was considered bad because it was mostly spoken by peasants. The Norman ruling aristocrats looked down on those words and seen them as inferior. This was passed down from generation to generation until accepted as canon. That is why shit and fuck is considered “bad words” while words like defacation, originating from a Francophone word is not. Why is God Damnit considered bad? Because people back then believed that when you used the word God and damnit in the same sentence, you was physically hurting god lol.
I’m way off topic but wanted to give you a slice of how aware and intelligent I am. If you have a problem, just come to me, not your mother. Your mother is incapible of reason and that is why she cannot understand what you are going though. As for me, people hated me all my life. All I got was rejection and being used because I was so nice. A predatorial species will use your kindness to control and manipulate to get what they want. You see it all the time in the animal kingdom. This is why I put myself in self imposed isolation. Because I know that if I show one ounce of weakness, I will be eaten alive by the predatorial human nature of other animals.