Life painfully worse than death seems like hell

Hi…

There are endless problems in my life and my life really seems like hell. I am tired of my life.

The problems are physically, mentally and socially troubling me continuously, all the time. Earlier I was a simple person living an ordinary life. I was physically somewhat less healthy. But rest things were going normal. But then chronically painful things happened later. Once during my holidays, I joined a swimming pool. It was only after a few days that I felt something wrong in my ears, as if they were blocked, perhaps water got trapped into them. There was a serious ear infection which painfully lasted for about one year including an  operation, also accompanied with serious cough and cold. The infection and pain subsided, but as an after effect, popping or clicking sound keeps coming in both the ears continuously, especially while swallowing anything, yawning, coughing, etc. I also have somewhat difficulty in swallowing food as some constriction in throat.

This strange sound continuosly in ears is very irritating and frustrating.   Apart from this I am continuously facing great difficulty in breathing, due to slightly deviated septum, chronic cold and mild bronchitis. My body weight’s low and physical weakness always troubles me. All these were giving me a terrible headache. As these were no extreme diseases medically, so doctors could not treat them properly with complete cure. However these chronic and seemingly endless problems constantly caused a lot of fatigue and pain. Unbearable pain it was, but it was only physical mostly. However it was not the end. How worse could it have gotten, it seemed. But the real horror was what happened later on in my life. So terrible was the experience that life changed into a living hell. It’s then when life became worse than death.

 It was sometime during college days when I observed something very strange was happening with me. I am a very clean and hygienic, totally careful about my daily hygiene and cleanliness. But don’t know for what reason some foul odour coming from my body and breath many times which I noticed gradually through social experiences over a period of time. At first I thought it could be momentary and short timed normal issue. But slowly I realised that it was present even immediately after a fresh bath and applying perfume did not help. It was the most shocking, strange and abnormal thing, which depressed the hell out of me. My life was shattered. It was happening daily and continuously, for no reason and having no cure. Continuously I was facing difficulty socializing and communicating with social contacts. I can’t understand the reason why this is happening. It was terrible, it was staying always, not going away no matter what. It’s literally the social death. The pain and frustration are extremely intolerable. I have lost confidence completely. Hell broke over me. Though once a bright individual and highly aspirational towards a fulfilling life, now I have lost interest in everthing in my life. There seems to be no solution, no way out of this darkness and endless unbearable pain. 

In short i am thus continuously suffering from these problems: unknown odour from body and breath, strange sound in ears, chronic difficulty in breathing and swallowing food, strange burning sensation in eyes and sometimes painful itching skin, chronic physical weakness, tiredness, exertion and fatigue, also sometimes jaw dislocation and continuous headache, social anxiety and depression, and not understanding the reason causing these and not having idea of any solution to these drives me nuts. Sorry for writing so long, however words are not enough to encompass my everlasting grief. I don’t have any idea how, still I hope some day I will be relieved of this pain. Thanks for the time. I hope no one suffers from such problems ever at all…