I am over living. I feel empty. I see other people smiling and being happy and I feel nothing. I feel like ending my life and disappearing. The only things i feel is sadness and pain. My family is threatening me if I don’t stop cutting they are sending me back to the hospital. I know they are trying to help but I like being sad and I like cutting. I have only felt sadness and pain and I am afraid if I keep living I am going to kill who I am because just being alive hurts. I want to be me when I die not a copy or shell of myself. I just want to die.
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Oddly enough, I often find myself thinking I feel nothing. Then I remember I still feel sadness/pain. I think I would be unable to identify those emotions if I didn’t feel other emotions. “I like being sad”. Funny, many of us do. Most people, those, in our lives, don’t. I particularly liked “I want to be me when I die not a copy or shell of myself. I just want to die.”. I know what you mean– while people still like me/have good stories about me…
I feel like why live if all I am going to do is go to school, graduate, go to college, get married, have kids and die. There is nothing for me to live for or do. It a continuous circle of the same crap over and over. I feel empty so I cut and do meaningless thing to get my mind off of it. I feel sad or angry I do the same thing over and over.